New cover letter&resume

[Anonymous]

Frank
Room 218, Dormitory 7, NO. 22 ChengZhong Street, JiaDing District
Shanghai, China, 200439 October 18, 2004
Human resource manager: Zhuangyanmei
200120 No.222 HuBin Road Shanghai Tel: 13816562635

Dear Miss Zhang,
First, I am glad that you see my e-mail. First, let me introduce myself. I am a student from shanghai university and my major subject is international business. I wish I can go to Sony after I graduate from the university. As the manager of human resource department, you gave your idea that Sony need what kind of people to a journalist of Renming newspapers. I saw the news. I think I am a good choice for you. You said that If the people is willing to learn and learn well in a short time, Sony could accept the student just graduate from the university. I am this kind of people I'm sure and I have some experience about communicating with foreign people. I wish you can give me a opportunity to make and interview with me. Thanks a lot .
Yours sincerely,
Frank

Rusume
Frank my Chinese name:zhujinjie
Room 218, Dormitory 7, NO. 22 ChengZhong Street, JiaDing District
Shanghai, China, 200439 October 18, 2004
Human resource manager: Zhuangyanmei
200120 No.222 HuBin Road Shanghai Tel: 13816562635

EDUCATION
Sydney Institute of Language and Commerce, Shanghai university

RELEVANT COURSE
Office 2000
Global Marketing
Organization Behavior
Financial Accounting
Microeconomics / Macroeconomics
Financial Accounting
Global Finance
International Business
International Business Law
International Commercial Law
Money and Banking


WORK EXPERIENCE
International Business Assistant
Zhonghen trade company Shanghai From june to August 2004
I can use Office 2000 and speak English fluently.

Objective: be a playstation 2 seller of Sony

[Tdol]

First, I am glad that you see my e-mail. First, let me introduce myself.

You can't have two 'firsts' and I wouldn't use this in a letter- it sounds like a talk.

[Tdol]

Yours sincerely,
Frank


I wouldn't use 'Frank'- that's for colleagues, not an application. Give first and family names.

[Tdol]

http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8470