please correct my cover letter for erasmus mundus

[dominika8517]

Hello!
Please help me with this one.. I'm trying to get to Erasmus Mundus programme in Indonesia :) I'll be sooooooo greatfull if you guys will help me with this cover letter.. Thanks in advance!!


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October 5, 2008

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Erasmus Mundus Program for a first semester 2009/2010 in Sociology. My first option is the ...... and second one is ....... .

I understand that these universities are the leading universities in the Indonesia and have a vibrant and highly regarded sociology department, and that they are also strong in cultural studies. I have been interested in different than European cultures for several years. In 2006 I have been for 3 months in United States of America. Last summer I have visited Egypt and Israel and this summer I went for period of 1 month to Peru. All of those travels I have arranged myself with no help of any travel agency. In age of 15 I have been member of Children’s Parliament of The World. As a polish representative I have been to Thailand, but only for 2 weeks. Since this time Asian culture has really fascinated me, but I never had a real chance become more familiar with it. Thanks to this program I will have an opportunity to become acquainted with Indonesian culture and community, so different from European. When you enter a different culture, you are exposed to new sights, sounds, smells, ideas, people and feelings. From this point of view, I consider it a challenge and an opportunity to explore and identify ways of improving myself. Travels and sociology are one of my biggest interests, which I am trying to spread. I believe that visiting a new country, meeting there new people and discover new experience is the best way to develop myself and discover new way of thinking. There is no better possibility to discover world and understand it a little bit more. I must say as well that this experience will be useful not only because of my interests in a field of Sociology and different cultures, but for my second studies as well. Simultaneously, I study the Management and Marketing at Warsaw University (I am a student of 5th year) and this 6 months would also offer me the opportunity to discover another way of thinking and working and to experience the Indonesian teaching system with small seminars, discussions and lectures.

Living and studying abroad has benefits that I could not achieve by a short visit alone. It will allow me to broaden my perspective and contribute to my personal development by expanding my knowledge and widening my experience in a variety of academic disciplines. Additionally, this scholarship would allow me to interact with students from all over the globe who may study the same programme, thus I will benefit from an enlarged circle of friends and contacts. I consider it a challenge and an opportunity to explore and identify ways of improving myself and it certainly will enable me to open my mind.

I have enclosed my resume for your review. I very much appreciate your time and consideration, and I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Yours Sincerely,

D.K

[Anglika]

Welcome to the forums.

Originally Posted by dominika8517

Hello!
Please help me with this one.. I'm trying to get to Erasmus Mundus programme in Indonesia :) I'll be sooooooo greatfull grateful if you guys will help me with this cover letter.. Thanks in advance!!


****

October 5, 2008

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Erasmus Mundus Program for a first semester 2009/2010 in Sociology. My first option is the ...... and second one is ....... .

I understand that these universities are the leading universities in Indonesia, that they have vibrant and highly regarded sociology departments, and that they are also strong in cultural studies. I have been interested in different than European cultures non-European cultures for several years.

In 2006 I have been for 3 months in United States of America was in the United States fro three months. Last summer I visited Egypt and Israel and this summer I went for period of one month to Peru. All of those travels I have arranged myself with no help of any travel agency.Since the age of 15 I have been a member of the Children’s Parliament of The World. As a Polish representative I went to Thailand, but only for two weeks. Since this time Asian culture has really fascinated me, but I never had a real chance become more familiar with it.

Thanks to this program I would have an opportunity to become acquainted with Indonesian culture and community, so different from European. When you enter a different culture, you are exposed to new sights, sounds, smells, ideas, people and feelings. From this point of view, I consider it a challenge and an opportunity to explore and identify ways of improving myself. Travels and sociology are one of my biggest interests there are two interests, which I am trying to spreaddevelop. I believe that visiting a new country, meeting new people and discovering new experiences is the best way to develop myself and discover a new way of thinking. There is no better possibility to discover world and understand it a little bit more.omit - repetitious.

I must say as well that this experience will be useful not only because of my interests in a field of sociology and different cultures, but for my second studies as well. Simultaneously, I study the I am also studying Management and Marketing at Warsaw University (I am a student of 5th year 5th year student ) and this 6 months would also offer me the opportunity to discover another way of thinking and working repetition of what you have already said - avoid. and to experience the Indonesian teaching system with small seminars, discussions and lectures.
Living and studying abroad has benefits that I could not achieve by a short visit alone. It will allow me to broaden my perspective and contribute to my personal development by expanding my knowledge and widening my experience in a variety of academic disciplines. Additionally, this scholarship would allow me to interact with students from all over the globe who may study the same programme, thus I will benefit from an enlarged circle of friends and contacts. I consider it a challenge and an opportunity to explore and identify ways of improving myself and it certainly will enable me to open my mind. This paragraph says neatly and succinctly all that you have just written. You need to cut out so much repetition.

I have enclosed my resume for your review. I very much appreciate your time and consideration, and I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Yours Sincerely,

D.K

Try a redraft and post it.