Could anyone review this Cover Letter

[tariq555552006]

I'm trying to make an attractive cover letter , could anyone help


Cover Letter

As a Fresh Graduate Electrical & Electronics Engineer I have my ambitions to get a successful career, a career that gives me the opportunity to be in touch with the leading technology, of course these ambitions wouldn't be available in local companies, therefore, I have to work in international company.

In Actuality, working in international company like IBM Co. would be the best place for me to upgrade my knowledge and to get the experience, but a company like IBM Co. doesn't want to waste its time training engineers without getting any reflect from them, in other words, why IBM Co. should be interested in me ?

Before answering this question I have to mention that I am interested in more than one field in engineering fields , Telecommunication is the essential field and Solar Energy is the other field , sense my thesis advisor isn't specialized in Telecommunication Engineering but instead Solar Energy ,I had to study Solar Energy , and this new path in science gave me a chance to improve my knowledge from different aspects ,which also would be beneficial to an Engineer to find solutions in rural areas by combining sciences ,thus, an appropriate answer -for the asked question- would be : Any esteemed company would be interested in anyone had a good analytical skills , problem solving skills, communication skills, effective team player skills, and an excellent academic degree, I am sure that I have all of them , so IBM Co. should be interested in me.

I am asking IBM Co. recruitment team for a meeting to debate if there is any appropriate post for me.

I am looking forward to hear from you

Thanks.

[TomYU]

"a good analytical skills , problem solving skills, communication skills, effective team player skills, and an excellent academic degree"
First, I think you need to use evidence or stories to proof them.

Second, I feel you may show your strong interest to IBM in the first paragraph.

Third, what does this mean. "I am asking IBM Co. recruitment team for a meeting to debate if there is any appropriate post for me." You'd better show your thanks there.

I am not a native speaker so I am not sensitive to the gramma mistakes, though, I feel it is better to add "majored in" before "Electrical & Electronics Engineer I hav..."

[tariq555552006]

Thank you for your reply. actually,I followed the steps those written in this website :
Cover Letters

This is what written in their:

What is a Cover Letter?

A cover letter is a letter that you send to accompany your Curriculum Vitae (CV) when you apply for job, whether advertised or when you are sending an unsolicited application. Do not overlook this tool as it can be a great asset in your job hunt. When you send a resume (=CV), you need to send a short cover letter with it as an introduction and to grab the reader's attention. It should be no more than a page long and, ideally, it should contain 3-4 paragraphs.

You can follow these easy steps to create a top cover letter:

How to write a Cover Letter?

APPEARANCE

For hard copies, use the same type of paper and font as your resume. The experts recommend sticking to the plainest style possible - A4 quality white stock and Times New Roman, 11 point.

* Place the name of the addressee, their title, company name and address in the left hand corner. Some experts recommend you place your own details in the right hand corner like a traditional letter with the date.
* Career One thinks this could be overkill. Your contact details are on every page of your resume - right? Just make sure you have your name below "Yours sincerely". Alternatively, you could put your details top and centre - the same way your details appear on your resume.
* If you are sending your resume via email, include the cover letter and resume as one document.
* It's more convenient for the recipient. When posting or hand delivering your resume, you don't make the recipient open two envelopes so there is no reason to make the online reader open two documents.

CONTENT

* Paragraph one of your cover letter should state the reason you are writing to this person - namely that you are interested in working for their team.
* Paragraph two explains why the company in question should be interested in you. Too many people write about why they want to work for a particular company or land a particular job. Companies want to know why they should hire you.
* Paragraph three should be a call to action, namely a meeting or job interview (& interview tips).
* All the experts agree that a cover letter should use short sentences and simple language. Companies receive hundreds of letters daily so make sure that your letter stands out and is easy to read.
* Double-check your letter for errors. Make sure you have the recipient's name and title right even if it means checking with the person's personal assistant or the company's main reception desk.
* Get a friend or family member to then check your letter for mistakes.
* Don't make the common mistake of summarising your resume in the cover letter.
* For those approaching companies cold - in other words you are not applying for a specific job or responding to a job ad - it is a good idea to ask for a "meeting" in your last paragraph.
* A "meeting" is less pressure than a formal job interview but all the basic rules of presentation, eye contact etc still apply. Companies will meet with interesting candidates even when they don't have a job on offer right away.
* Cover letters are essentially sales letters so they must be written for the customer - the prospective employer - and not be based just on what you want. Stress what you can do for the company you would like to work for - not vice versa.
* Avoid words that you would personally never use.
* Place the date only on hard copy cover letters as emails will have the date included.

Purpose of a Cover Letter

A cover letter is sent with your CV. It can make a difference between being successful in your job search or not.

* Cover letters are generally not read during the first candidate selection, but usually they will be read when the candidates have been short listed. Do not waste such an opportunity!

* Always include a cover letter even if the job advert does not specify that one is needed.

* Your cover letter should not be a copy of your CV. Specify some of your cover letter achievements and be sure you know how to handle Cover Letter weakness.

* A cover letter is a way of showing your writing and reporting skills.

* Do not mention salary in your cover letter!

[Anglika]

I'm trying to make an attractive cover letter , could anyone help


Cover Letter

As a recently graduated Electrical & Electronics Engineer I have as ambition to find a career that gives me the opportunity to be in touch with the leading technologies.

Working in international company like IBM Co. would be the best place for me to increase my knowledge and to obtain experience. I have to mention that I am interested in more than one field of engineering. My interests lie in Telecommunications and Solar Energy. in particular, I have studied Solar Energy which has a major potential for rural areas.

Any company would be interested in someone with good analytical skills, problem-solving skills, communication skills, effective team player skills, and an excellent academic degree. I believe I can offer all these, and that I would be a good candidate for a post in the above fields. I am writing to ask that you consider me for such a post. I can be contacted on [tel. number] or by email on [address] at any time.

Attached is my resume/c.v. for your attention.

I look forward to hearing from you.




Thanks.

Keep it short and to the point. The place to discuss detail is at your interview.

Big companies such as IBM always are on the lookout for good young graduates who can be trained into the company. You should not suggest that they are only interested in experienced staff.

Details of your education and any work you have done should be kept to your resume.

[tariq555552006]

Thank u Anglika ,frankly, u made it better than it was .

Thanks again