Cover Letter Proofreading Pleezzz!

[est1984]

Can you please proof read this Cover Letter for me, I would very much appreciate your time, I'm having great trouble trying to find a job after graduating this May so I seek your help. Thank you for your time.

RE: Junior IT Support Technician

Dear Sir/Madam

I refer to the position of Junior IT Support Technician advertised at jobcentreplus.gov.uk on Oct 31st, 2008. Please find attached my Curriculum Vitae, the required information specified in your advertisement.

I am a recent graduate from Birmingham City University graduated in BSc Computer Aided Automotive Design (Hons). Whilst studying this program I have acquired skills which I feel that I can apply to the position that you have advertised in a very short time.

During my time as a student I was given the opportunity to refine my team working and communication abilities which I had previously gained from work experience and now have the ability to strive in such an environment.

I am an individual who believes that quality must lie at the root of everything we do and also constantly thinking of another or better way to do things. I am very enthusiastic, energetic, a quick learner, excellent speaker, a good team player, highly motivated, very reliable and cooperative. I am also someone who will not be shy to ask questions. My confident nature, coupled with my team working skills, has made me a great asset to my previous employers, as they will vouch. My adaptability to different situations has led me to advance in my previous jobs, and I never fail to impress with my hard work ethic and positive attitude which also rubs off on others around me.

I am extremely IT orientated from ever since I was at secondary school and feel extremely comfortable using them for whatever the purpose. On top of this I am the main person from my friends and family who people turn to for advice or support. I feel if given the opportunity to fulfill the position you advertise you will not be let down and I am

I am extremely excited about this opportunity it has a definite appeal for me, both on a personal and career basis. I enclose my resume for your review and look forward to meeting with you in the near future. Should you have any questions or require clarification on any information, please contact me at the above telephone number.

Yours sincerely

[thedaffodils]

[Neither a teacher nor a native speaker]

Just my two cents. Hope teachers or native speakers can really give you a hand.

1. There should be a colon after "Dear Sir/Madam". And I prefer replacing the slash with "or", that is "Dear Sir or Madam:"

2. If you don't know the name whom you write to, you should write "Yours faithfully" rather than "Yours sincerely".

3. You repeated your resume is attached. I think it would be more terse to mention it once.

I refer to the position of Junior IT Support Technician advertised at jobcentreplus.gov.uk on Oct 31st, 2008. Please find attached my Curriculum Vitae, the required information specified in your advertisement.

I am extremely excited about this opportunity it has a definite appeal for me, both on a personal and career basis. I enclose my resume for your review and look forward to meeting with you in the near future. Should you have any questions or require clarification on any information, please contact me at the above telephone number.

4. I don't think you finish the last sentence in the paragraph as below:

I am extremely IT orientated from ever since I was at secondary school and feel extremely comfortable using them for whatever the purpose. On top of this I am the main person from my friends and family who people turn to for advice or support. I feel if given the opportunity to fulfill the position you advertise you will not be let down and I am

5. It seems to me that the construction of the sentence are not parallel. You mixed noun phrases and adjectives together.

I am very enthusiastic, energetic, a quick learner, excellent speaker, a good team player, highly motivated, very reliable and cooperative.

[Anglika]

One point - if a job is advertised, the probability is that there is a contact person given. Always use a name where it is provided. Letters without such specific contact are much less likely to receive attention.