Motivation letter, could someone check it for me?

Hi, I have to write an English motivation letter to apply to my study next year. Could someone check it or give me some advice how to improve it?

Dear Sir or Madam,

With this letter I would like to apply for entrance to the International Business Administration programme in 2009.

My name is Liz Derks, I am eighteen years old and I have the Dutch nationality. Born in Amsterdam, but raised in Heemstede, I don not have an international background. In May 2008 I graduated for my gymnasium diploma on Lyceum Sancta Maria in Haarlem, direction ‘economie & maatschappij’ with as extra subject ‘management and organisatie’. This subject had my special interest and therefore I decided to research the operation of a clothing company for my ‘profielwerkstuk’. Together with my friend we studied every segment of the production process, from making the orders till the marketing strategy.

From my youth onwards I have always been very interested in foreign countries, languages and cultures. After my high school graduation I did not know exactly what to study. I only knew that it had to do something with management and preferably international. The Dutch version of business management, ‘bedrijfskunde’, (too normal, too massive?) and did not offer me enough challenge. I decided to take a gap year for that purpose to not hurry my decision. Moreover, this would be an opportunity to discover if the international aspect was really my cup of tea, I would improve my language skills and I would have the possibility to meet people from all over the world. From October till December I have been in Barcelona to study Spanish which has been a great experience. Temporary living in a foreign county does not only make you learn about others, but also about yourself. In a short period you obtain more independence, you acquire how to adapt to others and you make lots of new friends even if it is not always easy to communicate.

Currently I am in Paris where I live with family, probably till the end of March. By attending French courses at the Alliance Francaise and working part-time as a babysitter, I hope to purchase an advanced level in French language at the end of the period.

Actually I liked Paris that much, that I started to look for an English bachelor education here. I finally found ‘International Business’ at the Paris International Business School. Although I was not convinced about the quality of the education and studying abroad, especially in Paris, is pretty expensive. That should not be a problem, but if you are not sure about the quality it is a risky venture. I started to search for universities offering a comparable education. Finally I discovered the exist of the International Business Administration programme in Rotterdam which was very well-notified. I immediately requested the brochure and it appeared that this was exactly the study I was looking for! International Business, without the … (normality?) of bedrijfskunde, cause of the specified demands, students from all over the world, a varied program, the chance to study abroad for a trimester and the perspective on an international career.

About Rotterdam as a student city I knew practically nothing. Through a friend I received the name and email of a student who is currently studying IBA and lives in Rotterdam. She told me Rotterdam is a great city. Beside the international ambiance, it offers lots of possibilities for students, like students’ unions, sports clubs, lots of fun places to go out and, very important, a well-organised public transfer!

After Paris I will work during two months in Holland to raise money. With that money I would like to book a trip to Brazil in June. Middle- and Latin-America have always had my special interest. Not only because I have family living there, but also because my dad is an investment manager at ING and invests a lot in these countries. He travels there often and is of the opinion that this area has big potential.

Hopefully in future I can speak with the same passion and enthusiasm about my job as he does. I do not know yet what to become exactly and honestly I do not think there are many eighteen-years-olds who do. I do know that I would like to have a challenging job with lots of variation and that will give me the opportunity to travel frequently. The business world connects best to these wishes and I am sure that my application for the International Business Administration program is the first step to find a job that suits me.

Tnx in advance!