How to write a recommended letter

Yesterday i helped my friend write a letter for applying for jobs. I don't know if the grammars in the letter are right. can someone help me correct that?

RECOMMENDED LETTER
Dear Sir or Madam:

Greetings.I would like to be a part of your prestigious company.I am a undergraduate student in JiMei University, major in accounting, and will graduate from my college after July 2005.I Studied hard in my campus life, with brilliant scores, which won me scholarships for several times . During the time in university, I learned not only my major’s but also the finance Administration and statistics’ theory and practical knowledge. In addition, I can use a lot of software under DOS and Windows circumstance including using Foxbase to manage data-base, using office software to typeset words. Further more, I can use software to deal with computer graphics and use financial software to achieve business automation.

Ｉhave been working as student union secretary-general, Communist Youth League secretary, commissioner of literature & sports since my freshman year. I had been selected as excellent secretary of Communist Youth League for several times because of my excellent organizing & coordinating ability. During my time as commissioner of literature & sports, I had hold high quality evening soirees successfully for several times including the welcome new students party , the Merry Christmas party and new year party, which are granted by other students and teachers.

In order to master the theory knowledge learned in university better, I did lots of practical and social works. During my praxis life in Zhangzhou Xing Ye packaging factory in 2002, I got to know how the accounting theories working in practice, such as cost accounting theory, tax declared theory, financial statement theory etc. Also I worked as an accountant in Fu zhou Jing Fang literature limited corporation in 2003. In the time there, I was familiar with the general duties of an accountant, such as a wages sheet calculation, financial affairs analysis, profit management etc. At the same year, I took my trainee life in Zhang zhou Xiang cheng branch of Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, got the idea of how the bank dealed with the company affairs and the process of foreign trade settlements. In 2004, I worked as an accountant in Zhang zhou branch of Shen Zhen Aishon company. I used my knowledge on computer, carried out managing accounts in computer, and with internet, made the account-checked between parent company and its branches more convenient.

Campus life and lots of practical works brought up my working ability and adapting ability, formed my self-possession & self-confidence character and preciseness working attitude, granted me the courage to take part in social competition. Though the college life is not long, knowledge learned is limited, we just learned a thinking and learning method in university. It is said that it is too simple to discuss something on paper, you should put yourself into it if you would master it. So I will learn hard in my future work time, accumulate work experience in order to improve my working ability.

I have heard ever since that your company is reliable and developing steadily. I hope you can give me a chance to exert myself.

Thanks for concerning on me, waiting for your answer.

Best regards
Wu Xiaoli
1st Dec 2004

First point- don't ask 'How are you' in a letter.

Next, state your purpose clearly: I am writing to apply for .....

I'm in a rush now, but I'll try to look at it in more detail later. ;-)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tdol

First point- don't ask 'How are you' in a letter.

Next, state your purpose clearly: I am writing to apply for .....

I'm in a rush now, but I'll try to look at it in more detail later. ;-)

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Thanks very much.
Hope to check in details.

How about using "Greetings" instead of "how are you?", the former sounds more formal to me.

How about stating the purpose of your letter like "I am applying for the position of..." or "I would like to be a part of your prestigious company..." before describing your achievements.

RAM

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ram

How about using "Greetings" instead of "how are you?", the former sounds more formal to me.

How about stating the purpose of your letter like "I am applying for the position of..." or "I would like to be a part of your prestigious company..." before describing your achievements.

RAM

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Thanks a lot.