Cover Letter - just quick proogreading, please!

[nacelnik]

I don't usually ask anyone for help while writing a cover letter, but now it's kind of crucial for me. I would appreciate if anyone could have a look at it quickly and juts let me know about some mistakes or bad stylistics I could have made.


Thanks a lot!!!!


*******



Dear Andrew,


as you probably know, I'm currently working as a Community Manager at Facebook. I love the company, but however great experience it has been, I‘ve been starting to look around for a new opportunity besides. We have been paid peanuts for half a year and we don’t have good prospects unfortunately, as the strategy for our Birmingham team is „internships only“.


I am applying for the grad position posted on your website. At your convenience, I'd appreciate the opportunity to discuss the position and my candidacy with you. You can find my CV attached to this e-mail or online at: Gilby's Website


My extensive experience for the past 8 year gives me a unique ability to excel in various fields across marketing, advertising and sales. Before joining Facebook, I worked as a Campaign Manager at Citibank, Product & Project Manager in HSBC, Project & Telesales Manager in a multinational IT company and Account Director & Partner in an innovative digital ad agency. I have an account handling experience, thorough analytical and planning skills and I benefit from international experience combined with interest in world economies and linguistry.


I enjoy fast-paced environment, I am self-motivated do-er with solid work ethic and I take an entrepreneurial approach to anything I do. I’ve been watching Saatchi’s work, team and company’s spirit since we’ve joined your office and I believe I would be an ideal match for this position.

I'd love to find out more about the position you're looking to fill, and I would welcome the opportunity to tell you how my skills and ideas can benefit Saatchi.

Thanks for your consideration, I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Best regards,
Jan

[nacelnik]

Please, can any native speaker check my cover letter? I really need it as soon as possible. I can pay for that!!!

[Searching for language]

I have just had a chance to read through this quickly, and the one thing that jumps out at me is the first paragraph. As a former employer (now retired) if I would have read the comment about being paid peanuts at a job which someone holds at the time of them sending me their application, this would have been a very big red flag for me. Don't EVER say anything negative about a former or present employer.

However, this may be something new in the IT field with which I am definitely not familiar.

I am also not a teacher.

[nacelnik]

That's definitely right, thanks a lot for your feedback, I will not mention it.

[Searching for language]

One more thought. For me, your letter is a bit more casual than what I am used to, but then, as I said, I am retired from serious business, and my attitude may be old-fashioned. I understand that in the IT branch especially, things are more informal.

Your letter as posted, other than the first paragraph, gives me the impression that you are a positive, enthusiastic person, and if I were looking at your CV, I would put you on top of the pile.

Viel Glueck in der Arbeitssuche! Freundliche Gruesse von Niagara!