a request

ziawj2 · Mar 11, 2013

I wrote a message to my landlord. Could you help me check it to make it natural? Thank you.
March 7, 2013

Dear Mrs. XXX,

I am writing to bring you attention to the problem that the telephone in your apartment did not work when I intended to use it after I moved into the house. I hope you can repair it as soon as possible. I am free tomorrow. Please inform me of your repairing in advance.

Yours sincerely,

Jane

emsr2d2 · Mar 11, 2013

ziawj2 said:
I wrote a message to my landlord. Could you help me check it to make it natural? Thank you.
March 7, 2013

Dear Mrs. XXX,

I am writing to bring your attention to the [STRIKE]problem[/STRIKE] fact that the telephone in [STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] my apartment [STRIKE]did[/STRIKE] does not work. [STRIKE]when I intended to use it after I moved into the house.[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]I hope you can[/STRIKE] Please repair it as soon as possible. Please let me know when you will be coming to repair it. If it is any help, I am free tomorrow. [STRIKE]Please inform me of your repairing in advance[/STRIKE].
I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours [STRIKE]sincerely,[/STRIKE]

Jane

You have addressed the letter to Mrs XXXX - some people will say that means you are writing to your "landlady". However, "landlord" is a perfectly acceptable all-encompassing term for someone who owns a property and rents it to someone else.

Refer to the apartment as "my apartment" - even though Mrs XXX is the owner, you are the one living there and using all the facilities.

I'm not sure what you meant by "when I intended to use it after I moved into the house". It is clear that you would expect a telephone in your apartment to actually work.

"Yours sincerely" is overly formal. Given the brevity of the letter, I think "Yours" is sufficient.

5jj · Mar 11, 2013

emsr2d2 said:
"Yours sincerely" is overly formal (and given that the greeting is "Dear Mrs XXX", "yours faithfully" would be the appropriate ending.

I don't agree. If we are using formal salutations and closures, then it's 'Dear Sir/Madam ..... Yours faithfully' or 'Dear Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss/Dr Postule / Dear Pate ..... Yours sincerely' in British English.

emsr2d2 · Mar 11, 2013

5jj said:
I don't agree. If we are using formal salutations and closures, then it's 'Dear Sir/Madam ..... Yours faithfully' or 'Dear Mr/Ms/Mrs/Miss/Dr Postule / Dear Pate ..... Yours sincerely' in British English.

I have no idea where my brain went on that post. I'm well aware of the rule and frequently remind people that "Sir/Madam" goes with "Yours faithfully" and "Mr/Mrs XXX" goes with "Yours sincerely".

ziawj2 · Mar 12, 2013

My student wrote:
Because I have to tell my friends that I’m safety arriving.I hope that you can fix the telephone for me.

I don't think the word 'Because' is needed, and I think the sentence is not natural, so I made some changes. What do you think of the changes?

I want to tell my friends I settled down safely, so I hope you can have it fixed for me.

emsr2d2 · Mar 12, 2013

ziawj2 said:
My student wrote:
Because I have to tell my friends that I’m safety arriving.I hope that you can fix the telephone for me.

I don't think the word 'Because' is needed, and I think the sentence is not natural, so I made some changes. What do you think of the changes?

I want to tell my friends I settled down safely, so I hope you can have it fixed for me.

I want to let my friends know that I have settled in OK, so I hope you can get the phone fixed as soon as possible.

Rover_KE · Mar 13, 2013

I'd butter her up a bit.

I want to let my friends know that I have settled in OK and have a very obliging landlady, so I hope you can get the phone fixed as soon as possible.

ziawj2 · Mar 13, 2013

Rover_KE said:
I'd butter her up a bit.

I want to let my friends know that I have settled in OK and have a very obliging landlady, so I hope you can get the phone fixed as soon as possible.

konungursvia · Mar 13, 2013

emsr2d2 said:
I have no idea where my brain went on that post. I'm well aware of the rule and frequently remind people that "Sir/Madam" goes with "Yours faithfully" and "Mr/Mrs XXX" goes with "Yours sincerely".

I don't think that sort of rule matters a whit these days, in any case.

5jj · Mar 13, 2013

konungursvia said:
I don't think that sort of rule matters a whit these days, in any case.

It may still matter in examinations.

a request

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