After finishing my job

[chunchuntthn]

After finishing my job

Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office. I turn off all of the light in it. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, pick the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and drive my motorbike to the gate of my office. I raise my hand and say goodbye to the protector. The protector also replies me as a friendly smile.

Please correct my error.

 

[chunchuntthn]

By the way, Could you tell me the meaning of "seaside" and " the shore of the sea" are the same meaning?

 

[Yankee]

After finishing my job

Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office. I turn off all of the lights. [STRIKE]in it[/STRIKE] Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, pick the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and drive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I [STRIKE]raise my hand and say[/STRIKE]wave goodbye to the [STRIKE]protector[/STRIKE] security guard . [STRIKE]The protector also replies me as[/STRIKE] He responds with a friendly smile.

Please correct [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] any errors.

Choice of words more than "errors".

 

[teechar]

What I do after Work [STRIKE] finishing my job [/STRIKE]

Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] the lights. [STRIKE]in it.[/STRIKE]

[STRIKE] pick[/STRIKE] take the key out of my bag

and say goodbye to the security guard, who [STRIKE]protector. The protector[/STRIKE] also [STRIKE]replies[/STRIKE] gives me as a friendly smile.

Please correct my errors.

Note the above corrections. Please also note that it is not natural to describe in minute details every action involved! Try to "zoom out" and talk about other things you do after work.

 

[chunchuntthn]

Choice of words more than "errors".

Yankee, Could I use "reply" or "answer" instead of "respond"?

 

[chunchuntthn]

Choice of words more than "errors".

This is my rewrite.
Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, pick the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and rive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard. He responds with a friendly smile.
Please correct any errors

 

[chunchuntthn]

Note the above corrections. Please also note that it is not natural to describe in minute details every action involved! Try to "zoom out" and talk about other things you do after work.

This is my rewrite

What I do after work.
Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, take the key out of my bag (Please tell me “Take the key out” is more nature than “pick the key out”?) and plug the key into my motorbike. I twist the key right and rive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me as a friendly smile.

Please correct my errors

 

[teechar]

This is my rewrite

You're still including superfluous details.

 

[Tarheel]

Yankee, Could I use "reply" or "answer" instead of "respond"?

In the context you're talking about, yes.

 

[Tarheel]

This is my rewrite

What I do after work.
Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close and lock the door. I walk into the garage, take the key out of my bag and plug the key into my motorbike. I turn the key to the right and drive my motorbike to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me as a friendly smile.

You put the key in the ignition. You don't have to mention which way you turn it. (You could say you put the key in the ignition and start the engine.) Also, I would say I drive out of the garage.
What do you do next?

 

[chunchuntthn]

You put the key in the ignition. You don't have to mention which way you turn it. (You could say you put the key in the ignition and start the engine.) Also, I would say I drive out of the garage.
What do you do next?

Actually, in my mind I mean to type out "plug the key into my motorbike and start the engine or something like that", but my vocabularies and my grammar are not enough good.

 

[emsr2d2]

Actually, [STRIKE]in my mind[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]mean[/STRIKE] wanted to type [STRIKE]out[/STRIKE] "Plug the key into my motorbike and start the engine" or something like that (no quotation marks here), but my [STRIKE]vocabularies[/STRIKE] vocabulary and my grammar are not [STRIKE]enough[/STRIKE] good enough.

See my corrections above.

 

[chunchuntthn]

See my corrections above.

Actually, I wanted to type "Plug the key into my motorbike and start the engine" or something like that, but my vocabulary and grammar are not good enough.

By the way, when saw your corrections I referred the dictionary and looked for the resources on the internet. I understand clearer than before about using "enough".

 

[emsr2d2]

By the way, when I saw your corrections, I referred to the dictionary and looked for [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] resources on the internet. I now understand [STRIKE]clearer[/STRIKE] more clearly than before [STRIKE]about using[/STRIKE] how to use "enough".

See above.

 

[chunchuntthn]

You're still including superfluous details.

Please give me some feedback.

Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close the door and I walk straight to the garage. My motorbike can is one of hundred motorbikes in the garage, so I use its electric key to look for it. Then I drive it to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me as a friendly smile.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please give me some feedback.

Every day, I finish my job at 6pm. :tick: but it's more natural to say "I finish work at 6pm".

Before I walk out of my office, I turn off all the lights. :tick: but it's more natural to say "Before I leave my office ...".

Then I close the door and I walk straight to the garage. :tick: although the second "I" is not required.

My motorbike can What is a "motorbike can"?

is one of a hundred motorbikes in the garage,

so I use its electric key to look for it. How does using the key help you to find it?

Then I [STRIKE]drive[/STRIKE] ride it to the gate of my office building. You don't drive a motorbike; you ride one.

I wave goodbye to the security guard, :tick:

who gives me [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] a friendly smile. "as" is incorrect.

See above.

 

[chunchuntthn]

See above.

Every day, I finish work at 6pm. Before I leave my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close the door and walk straight to the garage. My motorbike can be one of a hundred motorbikes in the garage, so I use its electric key to look for it. (when I press a button on the key, my motorbike will sound) Then I ride it to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me a friendly smile.

Please give me some review

 

[Tarheel]

Much better.

 

[Tarheel]

Every day, I finish work at 6pm. Before I leave my office, I turn off all the lights. Then I close the door and walk straight to the garage. My motorbike might be one of a hundred motorbikes in the garage, so I use its electric key to look for it. (When I press a button on the key, my motorbike will sound.) Then I ride it to the gate of my office building. I wave goodbye to the security guard, who gives me a friendly smile.

OK

 

[Tarheel]

Please give me some review

Just say:

Please correct any errors.

Now that you're out of the building what do you do then? Do you head straight home or do you stop somewhere for a beer?
:-D