As Paul walked down the high street

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

As Paul walked down the high street, he saw swarms of people hunting bargains. I thought occurred to him that if he were married he would now be dragged from one shop to another and would splash out on the new curtains, tablecloths, crockery and cutlery, bedclothes, lamps, pictures, and dozens of others items they did not need, but which his wife would absolutely have or would declare a war. Paul felt pity for his fellow men who were lugging bags filled with all kinds of articles with a dejected expression on their faces. They had been demoted to porters for this occasion, and if they refused, they would be risking domestic peace or probably their marriage too.

 

[Tarheel]

Have I made any mistakes?

As Paul walked down the high street, he saw swarms of people looking for bargains. The thought occurred to him that if he were married he would now be dragged from one shop to another and would splash out on [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] new curtains, tablecloths, crockery and cutlery, bedclothes, lamps, pictures, and dozens of other[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] items they did not need, but which their wives would absolutely have to have or would declare a war. Paul felt pity for his fellow men who were lugging bags filled with all kinds of articles and wearing dejected expression on their faces. They had been demoted to porters for this occasion, and if they refused, they would be risking domestic peace or even their marriage.

My suggestions.

 

[Bassim]

Tarheel,
You used "their wives" when I meant to say "his wife."
In the first part Paul is thinking about his imaginary wife, and therefore I used "but which his wife would absolutely have..." And then he thinks about his fellow men and their wives.

 

[Tarheel]

The relevant phrase is dozens of other items which they did not need but which their wives would absolutely have to have.

 

[Tarheel]

What's a high street?

 

[Bassim]

I used "they did not need" hinting at Paul and his wife.

Maybe I should be clearer and write "....which Paul and his wife did not need, but which his wife would absolutely have to have or would declare a war."

 

[Bassim]

"High street" is BrE for "Main Street" in AmE.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps you could say that when Paul watches those couples he thinks back to when he was with his wife.

 

[Bassim]

I imagined Paul was never married.
If that is case, should I use "would" instead of "did"?

Would this version be OK?
The thought occurred to him that if he were married he would now be dragged from one shop to another and would splash out on new curtains, tablecloths, crockery and cutlery, bedclothes, lamps, pictures and dozens of other items Paul and she would not need, but which his wife would absolutely have to have or would declare a war.

 

[Tarheel]

That is good, but I would replace Paul and she with they.