CAE essay training

studentdot

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Good afternoon.
I'm training for the CAE Exam and i wrote an essay about which areas younger generations could gain most from older generations. the areas proposed were work, relationships and money. In that case, i chose to talk about money and relationships.

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"Grace and Frankie” is a television show that displays clearly how people from an older generation deal with human relationships and, also, with money management. Furthermore, younger people may struggle with not knowing how to deal with money and relationships. Therefore, young people could learn from older generations and evolve on those aspects of life.

First of all, relationships may be complicated, mainly when it comes to family issues. For example, a sixteen year old girl recognizes herself as a lesbian and considers it to be relevant that her parents be acquainted with her sexuality. On that occasion, it may help the teenager to ask for advice from a gay person in an older generation that went through the same feelings on coming out to their family.

In addition, money management and knowing how to invest it is another subject that older generations may be well aware of. By way of illustration, a twenty-two year old man does not know what is the best investment to his capital appreciation. For that matter, an older generation woman could teach the young man telling her story about how buying land made her money increase.

Finally, my consideration is that relationships is the area in which young people could gain most from older generations. That is due to the fact that the essence of relationships remains during history, opposed to what happens with money management. Economics change fastly and the best ways of investment are hardly the same as they were two years ago. Furthermore, we always have a lot to gain from older generations on human relationships.
 

emsr2d2

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Good afternoon.
I'm training for the CAE Exam and I wrote an essay about which the areas in which the younger generations generation could gain most from the older generations generation. The areas proposed were work, relationships and money. In that this case, I chose to talk about money and relationships.

___

"Grace and Frankie” is a television show that displays clearly how people from an older generation deal with human relationships and also, with money management. Furthermore,

Younger people may [sometimes] struggle with not knowing how to deal with relationships and money management, Therefore, young people and could learn more about them from the older generations generation. and evolve on those aspects of life.

First of all,
Relationships may can be complicated, mainly particularly when it comes to family. issues. For example, a sixteen-year-old girl recognizes herself as a lesbian and considers might consider it to be relevant important that her parents be acquainted with know about her sexuality. On that occasion, It may might help the teenager her to ask for advice from an older gay person in an older generation that who went through the same feelings on coming out to their family.

In addition, Money management and knowing how to invest it investing is are another subject two other areas that older generations may be well aware of knowledgeable about. By way of illustration, a twenty-two-year-old man does might not know what is recognise the best investment strategy to his for capital appreciation. For that matter, An older generation woman person could teach help the young man him by telling her story about him how buying land made her their money increase.

Finally In conclusion, my consideration is I believe that relationships is the area in which young people could gain most from older generations. That is due to the fact that the essence of relationships remains during history never changes, opposed to unlike what happens with money management. Economics change fastly fast/quickly and the best ways of investment to invest are hardly not the same as they were two years ago. Furthermore, We always have a lot to gain learn from older generations on about human relationships.
See my suggested changes above. I removed your opening sentence because it's a very odd way to start an essay. I also changed the order of the two areas in the new opening sentence so that it matches the order in which you talk about them.
 

teechar

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Hi studentdot,
Can you give us the exact prompt for the above task please?
 

studentdot

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See my suggested changes above. I removed your opening sentence because it's a very odd way to start an essay. I also changed the order of the two areas in the new opening sentence so that it matches the order in which you talk about them.
Thank you so much!
I have a doubt about the use of connectives. You removed some of them in my essay, but one of the points that will be noticed in the Writing Test is if I use them or not in my essay. So, I used them in a wrong way? Is it better if I don't use them at all?
 

emsr2d2

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Thank you so much!
I have a doubt about the use of connectives. You removed some of them in my essay, but one of the points that will be noticed in the Writing Test is if I use them or not in my essay. So, did I used use them in a the wrong way? Is it better if I don't use them at all?
Please tell me exactly which words you're referring to.
 

emsr2d2

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1. "In that occasion" is wrong anyway. We use "on that occasion" but not in the context you tried to use it. You needed something like "In that situation" or similar (or nothing at all, which was my suggestion).
2. "Furthermore" made no sense where you put it. It appeared to refer back to the difference between the rate of change in relationships as opposed to economics.
3. "For that matter" wasn't the appropriate phrase for your context. As in 1, something like "In that situation" would have been OK.
 

teechar

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Also,
"Grace and Frankie” is a television show that
That's not a good opening to your essay.
Many people (including me) do not know what "Grace and Frankie" refers to. Your opening statement must be general and must include the main topic that you are asked to write about. When I first read your essay, I thought it was centred around something called "Grace and Frankie".
 

Tarheel

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I wouldn't use "an older generation woman". An older woman, yes. In any case, neither sex nor age have much to do with how well a person understands finances.
 

emsr2d2

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I wouldn't use "an older generation woman". An older woman, yes. In any case, neither sex nor age have much to do with how well a person understands finances.
And that is why, in post #2, in my edit of the entire essay, I deleted "older generation woman" and changed it to "older person".
 

Tarheel

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Why are you working so hard?

I don't think I would use "generations" at all. You can learn things from people -- both older and younger. But generations? It doesn't work for me.

There are many threads in this section. Was the advice given helpful? Apparently, nobody thinks so.
 
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emsr2d2

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Why are you working so hard?
Who is this question directed to?
There are many threads in this section. Was the advice given helpful? Apparently, nobody thinks so.
There are many posts in this thread too. I'm sure that, by now, you're as used as the rest of us to users failing to use the "Like" and "Thanks" buttons.
 

Tarheel

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There is much advice given in the threads that are already here. People can read them and (hopefully) learn from that advice.

Many questions have been asked and answered. Many of those same questions are being asked all over again. However, those same questions have been asked and answered.
 

emsr2d2

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True, but to be fair, we can't expect users to read every thread on the forum before asking their question. Using the search facility helps but you have to be very exact with your search terms or it doesn't find anything.
It's not unreasonable, though, to expect all members to read every response to a thread before adding their own.
 
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