[Essay] Could you check my ielts academic writing task 1

[DenInDen]

Chart 4

The table illustrates distribution of people of different ages across six type of free time activity. Overall, major of public prefer to rest with watching TV or videos. The lowest group of people spend their time in Cinema. Adolescent have more free time then the other part of society.
According to the information from table, it’s clearly that teens prefer the group exercise and sport more than other people in the other ages, 450 and less than 350 respectively. It’s also noticeable that socializing with large amount of people are chosen the most (at 350) by humans under 30.
In terms of socializing in small group, 30s people are the most involved in at 300 persons. Also, people between 30 and 50 participate in individual exercise more than people in other age group, 200 compared with less than 150 humans.
The most interesting thing that people do not choose cinema as frequent as other activity, it makes up about 5% in each age group. (166 words)


Chart 5

The line graph shows change in the products transportation among 4 diverse ways in UK. In general, there was a slight rise in the weight of transported goods over all kind of shipping. The lowest amount of product was transported by pipeline. In contrast, majority of goods was shipped by road.
According to the information from the line graph, pipeline way of transportation increased steadily over all period from approximately 5 to over 20 Million tonnes. It can be noticed that, transportation by rail ways was oscillated in range from about 30 to almost 40 million tonnes.
With regarding to water ways, there was an approximate 50% growth from rough 40 to over 60 million tonnes, it also showed remarkable behavior, as there was a sharp upsurge between 1974 and 1982, but after it there was a plateau.
In terms of road way transportation, about the half of goods in 2002 was transported by this system. Moreover, it’s started in 1974 at about 70 million tonnes rose nearly over all period and finally it reached a peak approximately 100 million tonns in 2002. (183 word)

 

[Rover_KE]

Welcome to the forum.

We don't check students' assignments before their teachers have seen them.

 

[Raymott]

This is the IELTS graph test. We get quite a few. I think they are practices, but the OP can confirm that. Isn't IELTS done live?

To poster: Don't post two of these at once. Most teachers would be put off marking even one of this complexity. I will wait for a reply about the above before I answer one.

 

[DenInDen]

Yes, It's our practice task, but our teacher didn't want to check it. I really tried to do all my best

 

[Raymott]

Chart 5

The line graph shows the change in the transportation of products among four diverse ways in UK. In general, there was a slight rise in the weight of transported goods over all kinds of shipping. The lowest amount of product was transported by pipeline. In contrast, the majority of goods was shipped by road. [I'd use 'were'.]
According to the information from the solid line graph [You've already rightly called the whole thing a 'line graph'. You can't use the same term for one component.], the pipeline [STRIKE]way of[/STRIKE] transportation increased steadily over the whole period from approximately 5 to over 20 Million tonnes. It can be noticed that[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] transportation by rail [STRIKE]ways [/STRIKE][STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] oscillated in range from about 30 to [STRIKE]almost [/STRIKE]40 million tonnes.
[It exceeded 40]. Regarding water transportation, there was [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] approximately a 50% growth from rough 40 to over 60 million tonnes; it also showed remarkable behavior, as there was a sharp upsurge between 1974 and 1982, but after that there was a plateau.
In terms of road [STRIKE]way[/STRIKE] transportation, about the half of goods in 2002 was transported by this method. Moreover, it[STRIKE]’s[/STRIKE] started in 1974 at about 70 million tonnes rose [STRIKE]nearly over all[/STRIKE] for most of the period and finally [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] reached a peak approximately of 100 million tonnes in 2002. (183 word)

Your analysis is very good. You've mentioned the most salient points.
You've used 'ways' too often. It's not the best word.
If no one corrects your first exercise, please post it again separately. If anyone wants to question my corrections, it could get messy with two different threads in one.