Excess sugar is added to processed foods

[I'm a Chubby Baby]

Original: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems.
My rewrites: Excess sugar is added to processed foods and drinks by their manufacturers and this leads to /contributes to many health issues.

Hi, everyone. The original uses the active voice. Does my version of the passive voice sound unnatural?
Is it accurate to change 'high levels of sugar' to 'excess sugar'?
Should I use 'manufacturers' or 'their manufacturers'?

 

[tedmc]

Original: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems.
My rewrites: Excess sugar is added to processed foods and drinks by their manufacturers and this leads to /contributes to many health issues.

Hi, everyone.
The original uses the active voice. Does my version of the passive voice sound unnatural?

I prefer the original.

Is it accurate to change 'high levels of sugar' to 'excess sugar'?

I think "excessive" is closer to "high levels of sugar".

Should I use 'manufacturers' or 'their manufacturers'?

I would omit "their" since it's understood.

.

 

[Tdol]

Excess is a judgement call- what's an acceptable level of added sugar?