He strode down the stairs and opened the door.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a 100$ bill. "Keep the change," he said, watching the look of delight on the drenched boy.

The cheesy pizza was dotted with green bell pepper and salami. It looked fresh and hot, wisps of steam rising from it. He couldn't hep but think about the contrast between the staleness of his life and the freshness of his meal. Seven months ago, he could have enjoyed this pizza. He would have. But now, with everything going on in his life, nothing gave him joy. Not even a mozzarella-drenched, gorgeous pizza.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this correct and natural?

He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a [STRIKE]100$[/STRIKE] [one-]hundred dollar bill/$100 bill. "Keep the change," he said, [STRIKE]watching[/STRIKE] enjoying the look of delight on the drenched boy's face.

The cheesy pizza was dotted with green bell pepper and salami. It looked fresh and hot, wisps of steam rising from it. He couldn't help but think about the contrast between the staleness of his life and the freshness of his meal. Seven months ago, he could have enjoyed this pizza. He would have. But now, with everything going on in his life, nothing gave him joy. Not even a mozzarella-drenched, gorgeous pizza.

See above.

The currency sign goes before the number. He didn't watch a look of delight on the boy's face. He saw it (but only after he said "Keep the change") but I think something like "enjoying" is more evocative.

BrE would just use "green pepper". There's no need for "bell" for us. If it wasn't a green (bell) pepper, we'd call it a green chilli.

 

[alpacinou]

See above.

The currency sign goes before the number. He didn't watch a look of delight on the boy's face. He saw it (but only after he said "Keep the change") but I think something like "enjoying" is more evocative.

BrE would just use "green pepper". There's no need for "bell" for us. If it wasn't a green (bell) pepper, we'd call it a green chilli.

I learned "mozzarella-drenched" from you last year.

 

[alpacinou]

Since I said nothing gave him joy, can I use "see" instead of enjoy? What verb can I use to say he doesn't actually enjoy it even though he should?

He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a $100 bill. "Keep the change," he said, seeing the look of delight on the drenched boy's face.

 

[tedmc]

Noticing/noting?
"Drenched" means "soaked", as in a liquid. For something on the surface, I prefer "covered/coated".

 

[Tarheel]

I think "drenched" is okay there. (When it's coming down really hard you can get drenched pretty quickly.)

 

[emsr2d2]

I think "drenched" is okay there. (When it's coming down really hard you can get drenched pretty quickly.)

I think tedmc was referring to "mozzarella-drenched", which apparently alpacinoutd learned from me last year. I'll have to take his word for it! But it certainly works in BrE in the context of pizza.

 

[alpacinou]

I think tedmc was referring to "mozzarella-drenched", which apparently alpacinoutd learned from me last year. I'll have to take his word for it!

I kid you not! Look at post 13:

https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/...-is-elastic!?p=1593005&viewfull=1#post1593005

I noticed this was in the good old days before I was excommunicated from Ask a Teacher section.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I don't don't mind mozzarella-drenched, but since drenched showed up a few sentences earlier, I'd change one or the other.

 

[alpacinou]

I'm still looking for a better verb than "see" in this sentence:

He strode down the stairs and opened the door. The rain was lashing down in the unseasonably cold spring night. He handed the delivery boy a $100 bill. "Keep the change," he said, seeing the look of delight on the drenched boy's face.

 

[emsr2d2]

The problem isn't really the verb itself; it's the verb form you've chosen. Saying "seeing" there makes it sound as if the speaking ("Keep the change") and the look of delight happened at the same time. They didn't. The look of delight was a result of the man's words.

"Keep the change", he said, then saw a look of delight on the boy's face.
"Keep the change", he said, resulting in a look of delight on the boy's face.

You need to demonstrate cause and effect.

 

[alpacinou]

Great suggestions.

The only matter is the verb "stride". Does imply "happy, energetic" walk? Is it at odds with the last part where I say he is not in a good mood?

 

[emsr2d2]

Great suggestions.

The only [STRIKE]matter[/STRIKE] problem now is the verb "stride". Does it imply "happy, energetic" walk? Is it at odds with the last part where I say he is not in a good mood?

It he strode, then he strode. It's simply a purposeful way of walking. I'd certainly stride to the door if I knew there was a pizza on the other side of it!

 

[Tarheel]

I think tedmc was referring to "mozzarella-drenched", which apparently alpacinoutd learned from me last year. I'll have to take his word for it! But it certainly works in BrE in the context of pizza.

He used "drenched" twice in that post. (I can tell you from experience what it's like to get drenched in pouring down rain.)

 

[emsr2d2]

He used "drenched" twice in that post. (I can tell you from experience what it's like to get drenched in pouring down rain.)

I know he did, but your reply made it sound as if you were explaining to him why "drenched" worked in the context of rain, which isn't what he was referring to.

 

[Tdol]

Great suggestions.

The only matter is the verb "stride". Does imply "happy, energetic" walk? Is it at odds with the last part where I say he is not in a good mood?

He bounded down the stairs?

 

[Tarheel]

I don't think I'd use "bounded" if I wanted to suggest that the person is in a bad mood. Instead, I'd go in the opposite direction. Perhaps:

He walked slowly down the stairs.

 

[emsr2d2]

trudged?

 

[Tarheel]

It's hard for me to consider that I'm in a bad mood if I have a pizza waiting for me on the other side of the door. (I considered "trudged" and it's not a terrible choice, but I like the two-word phrase in that sentence.)

 

[emsr2d2]

trudged?

I considered "trudged" and it's not a terrible choice,

Well, that's me damned by faint praise! :lol: