[Essay] ...his eyes taking...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Lanhua gave Yang the gift; it was wrapped in a blue square of cloth. Yang, unwrapped his gift his eyes taking a moment to focus, and smiled, a tear ran down his cheek. He kneeled on the floor in front of his sister and hugged her tightly. “This is the most beautiful gift, the best gift I have ever received, thank you Lanhua, you are the best sister”.

Lanhua laughed. “Don’t be stupid I’m your only sister”. Everyone crowded around to look at Lanhua’s carving and were amazed. They looked at Weifeng questionably, but she just pointed to Lanhua and nodded.

Just then Laohu walked in all cleaned up and moved towards Weifeng, but before he got to her, he noticed that everyone was looking at something Yang was holding. “Wow, that’s a really nice gift. Who carved it”?

Lanhua spoke up immediately. “I did, Uncle, Aunty taught me so I wouldn't be crying so much. Aunty did help, but just a little”.

Laohu looked at his wife who nodded, then at the jade carving, then at Lanhua, and back to Weifeng who nodded again, and said. “She’s much better than I was at her age, she has a natural talent”.

Yang took the Jade carving to his room and put it on the table next to his bed. Lanhua, who had followed him, said. “It will keep you company until Moogh comes back”.

Yang said. “I don’t expect to see Moogh again he has his herd now”.

Lanhua replied. “Well, I dreamed he was back, he had grey hair like daddy, and you were taller, but I was smaller, which was weird”. Lanhua started to go and then turned back. “Are you coming, or do you want to take a nap”?

Yang followed her out, curious about her dream.

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Is there a better one to replace "Yang, unwrapped his gift his eyes taking a moment to focus, and smiled, a tear ran down his cheek."?
And what about the rest?

 

[tedmc]

Lanhua gave Yang the gift; it was wrapped in a blue, square [STRIKE]of [/STRIKE]cloth. Yang (no comma) unwrapped his gift, his eyes taking a moment to focus, and he (eyes cannot smile) smiled, a tear [STRIKE]ran[/STRIKE] running down his cheek. He kneeled on the floor in front of his sister and hugged her tightly. “This is the most beautiful gift, the best gift I have ever received. Thank you, Lanhua; you are the best sister”.

Lanhua laughed. “Don’t be stupid; I’m your only sister”. Everyone crowded around to look at Lanhua’s carving and were amazed. They looked at Weifeng questionably, but she just pointed to Lanhua and nodded.

Just then Laohu walked in all cleaned up (?) and moved towards Weifeng, but before he got to her, he noticed that everyone was looking at something Yang was holding. “Wow, that’s a really nice gift. Who carved it”?

Lanhua spoke up immediately. “I did, Uncle. Aunty taught me, so I wouldn't be crying so much. Aunty did help, but just a little”.

Laohu looked at his wife, who nodded, then at the jade carving, then at Lanhua, and back to Weifeng who nodded again, and said. “She’s much better than I was [STRIKE]at [/STRIKE]her age; she has a natural talent”.

Yang took the jade carving to his room and put it on the table next to his bed. Lanhua, who had followed him, said. “It will keep you company until Moogh comes back”.

Yang said. “I don’t expect to see Moogh again as he has his herd now”.

Lanhua replied. “Well, I dreamed he was back, [STRIKE]he had [/STRIKE] with grey hair like daddy, and you were taller, but I was smaller, which was weird”. Lanhua started to go and then turned back. “Are you coming, or do you want to take a nap”?

Yang followed her out, curious about her dream.

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I do not understand the underlined part.

 

[rodgers white]

Thanks for your help. "all cleaned up" here means to make yourself clean（usually by water).

 

[tedmc]

Thanks for your help. "all cleaned up" here means to make yourself clean（usually by water).

I'm not sure, but I don't think "cleaned up" is used with people. I'd say "all spruced up". I'd like to hear from others if there is a better word.