[Essay] How to improve my writing

[Abdulrahman15975]

Hello,
Please take a look at my article and tell me what do I need to change in order to improve my writing.
Since writing has always been my least favorite part, I've only written few articles before.

This article is proving that TV isn't the most important invention in the last 100 years and gives an alternative.


Nowadays, most people agree on the importance of television. The invention that gave the word (entertainment) a whole new meaning by introducing us to a wide range of visual materials including programs, movies and other stuff in which almost everyone can find something that he really likes. But no matter how entertaining the television is, it cannot be considered the most important invention 100 years, as some people may believer.
In my opinion, the most important invention in the last century was the telephone, which later was improved into the cell phone. The importance of that invention lies in the fact that things are considered important or not depending on the purpose that they serve and how it affects our lives. And the fact that that our need to communicate with each other in order to solve our problems and to socialize, is much more important to us than the need of entertaining ourselves by watching something we like.
Also the telephone has completely changed the concept of communication forever, and has saved us a huge amount of time and money which positively affected our lives on so many levels.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hello,
Please take a look at my article and tell me what (delete do) I need to change in order to improve it.
Since writing has always been my least favorite part, I've only written few articles before.

This article is arguing/saying/making the case/suggesting/maintaining/taking the position/asserting that TV isn't the most important invention in the last 100 years and gives an alternative.


Nowadays, most people agree on the importance of television. The invention (delete that) gave the word entertainment a whole new meaning by introducing us to a wide range of visual materials, including programs, movies and other things/offerings/programs/content in which almost everyone can find something that he or she really likes. But no matter how entertaining (delete the) television is, it cannot be considered the most important invention of the past hundred years, as some people may believe.

In my opinion, the most important invention of the last century was the telephone, which later was improved into the cell phone. The importance of that invention lies in the fact that things are considered important or not depending on the purpose that they serve and how they affect our lives. And the fact that (delete the second that) our need to communicate with each other in order to solve our problems and to socialize (delete the comma) is much more important to us than the need to entertain ourselves by watching something we like.

Also, the telephone has completely changed the concept of communication forever (delete the comma) and has saved us a huge amount of time and money, which has positively affected our lives on delete so) many levels.

About the "he or she" line: If you don't like using "he or she," you could make the whole phrase first person plural:

. . . almost all of us can find something that we really like.

Or you could make the whole phrase third person plural:

. . . most people can find something that they really like.

But avoid avoid using only male or female pronouns when you're talking about both sexes.


PS: The most important invention of the twentieth century? The electric guitar!

 

[Abdulrahman15975]

About the "he or she" line: If you don't like using "he or she," you could make the whole phrase first person plural:

. . . almost all of us can find something that we really like.

Or you could make the whole phrase third person plural:

. . . most people can find something that they really like.

But avoid avoid using only male or female pronouns when you're talking about both sexes.


PS: The most important invention of the twentieth century? The electric guitar!

Thanks for the feedback. appreciate it.

 

[Abdulrahman15975]

And about The electric guitar thing, I'm not convinced with the telephone thing myself. but I don't know how to write about Xbox. :-D

 

[Abdulrahman15975]

Today I've written a new article. could you please review it. tell me how relevant was it to the topic.

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material
possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem
important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?


Since time immemorial, people have always been concerned with being socially accepted, something that we developed over the years to satisfy our vital need for safety and love. The standards of social acceptance has always varied according to the different cultures, religions, and traditions.
Nowadays, and like any other era of the history, we seem to be impressed by what we consider the greatest scientific and cultural progress of all times, an impression that was directly reflected on every aspect of our life, From the way we think to the way we cut our hair, adding into consideration the revolutionary technological advance and the new channels of social media, this meant a drastic change of the standards of social acceptance among us.
In my opinion, life in the past was more difficult but it was simpler with a lot less pretenses. Finding love and making friends was something that required sincerity and real values In order to gain peoples love and trust. Also, lavish life style wasn’t that common back then, people didn’t really care what brand of shoes you’re wearing or how much you make. On the other hand, life nowadays became much easier than before, but we made it so complicated by putting so many rules and building so many expectations, the thing that left most of us feeling insecure and completely unhappy.

 

[Tarheel]

I think you need to start a new thread. And please use a different title. Perhaps:

A Person's Worth