It has been asking for a long, long time.

[imchongjun]

Could you help me understand the following paragraph?

"I do what I must do. Hatred cancels my crime, passion consumes my fears. And I know now what has been the horror of reality for me. I make my way home. It has been asking for a long, long time."

(Portrait of a Young Man Drowning by Charles Perry)

I am not sure what the last sentence mean. Does "It" refer to "home"? and does the sentence mean "my home has been waiting for me for a long time"? Or does "it" refer to something else? I appreciate your help. Thank you.

 

[Skrej]

Can you post a bit more of the story prior to this paragraph?

It's a bit hard for me to make out, but 'it' does seem to refer to home'. His home is asking for calling (calling for him) -essentially waiting for him to return.

My other question is "What is he calling home?" His current residence, or something like his hometown/birthplace? Has the character been away from his 'home' (wherever that is) for a long time?

 

[imchongjun]

Thank you for your comment, Skrej!
This is a very complicated psychological drama, and I cannot summarize it in a few words. Basically the narrator is a member of a gang who has an abnormal attachment to his mother and cannot have a normal love relationship with any girls. He seems to realize what is his problem in his own way in this quoted scene, and in the next chapter he goes home, sexually assaults his mother, and kills her.
If the sentence in question means "My home has been asking me to return for a long, long time", I think it makes sense. The solution to his problem lies in his home where his mother is.
I wasn't sure if "IT" refers to "home" and "asking" means "asking me to return." Thank you again. Your comment really helped me.