Jane joined the crowd.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane joined the crowd. She drank with them, she danced with them, her laughter mingled with theirs. But beneath all the clinking of glass and laughing lingered the sounds of the accident from two years ago. She would hear the shards of shattered glass raining down on the road, she would hear her husbands screams after their car had overturned. The wailing of sirens rushing to their rescue and failing to save him. Each time a faint hope flickered inside her that she could be happy again, the sounds of that day would echo in her head, dimming her hope.

 

[Tdol]

Any thoughts on these?

She drank with them, she danced with them, her laughter mingled with theirs.

She would hear the shards of shattered glass raining down on the road, she would hear her husbands screams after their car had overturned.

 

[alpacinou]

Any thoughts on these?

She drank with them, she danced with them, her laughter mingled with theirs.

She would hear the shards of shattered glass raining down on the road, she would hear her husbands screams after their car had overturned.

Are you saying that I should change them?

What's the problem?