[Grammar] on Friday and Saturday when Yilan and Hualien [...] can expect occasional rainfall

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kadioguy

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[From a news]

Taipei, Sept. 6 (CNA) A tropical depression that formed in the sea east of the Philippines Monday morning could approach waters east of Taiwan on Friday and Saturday when Yilan and Hualien in the east and the coastal areas of the north can expect occasional rainfall, according to the Central Weather Bureau (CWB).

https://focustaiwan.tw/society/202109060007
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I think there should be a comma before "when". As in The last time I went to Scotland was in May, when the weather was beautiful.

https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/english/when_1?q=when

What do you think?
 
I would remove "when" and put a full-stop there. The sentence is too long to digest.
 
it's OK for me with the comma.
 
I think that the "in" is optional. Is that right?
My reason:

a. The original is without a comma. (So “as the original”)

b. There is not a comma in the original. (So “as in the original”)

A friend told me, "Only 'as in the original' sounds natural to me. 'The original is without a comma' also sounds unnatural, so that's probably why. We'd say 'The original doesn't have a comma (in it)'".

I agree with them. However, I would also like to hear your opinions. :)
 
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