"Overall, although the athletic club had the largest number of members in 2014, by 2019, it had lost a considerable number of members, and..."

[hardyweineberg]

"Overall, although the athletic club had the largest number of members in 2014, by 2019, it had lost a considerable number of members, and the soccer club had surpassed it in membership. Furthermore, while the soccer team had the highest proportion of males and lowest percentage of females, the reverse was the case for the athletics team."
Source: me
1) Regarding my use of the past perfect tense, is it okay to say 'had surpassed it', or should it be simply 'surpassed it'? Please, explain the answer. I have read about the past perfect tense several times, but I'm still confused about how to use it.

2) Is my use of 'while' in the 2nd sentence okay, and is the sentence grammatical?

 

[Tarheel]

It's hard to explain, but your "had surpassed" is just right.

(Maybe I'll look at it again after dinner.)

 

[teechar]

You seem to have attached the wrong picture!

 

[Tarheel]

I would probably say:

Furthermore, although the soccer team ....

(We only call it "soccer" in American English (USA & Canada). The rest of the world calls it "football.)

 

[hardyweineberg]

Sorry, it took me a lot of time to find the right picture.

 

[teechar]

"Overall, although the athletic club had the largest number of members in 2014, by 2019, it had lost a considerable number of members, and the soccer club had surpassed it in membership. Furthermore, while the soccer team had the highest proportion of males and lowest percentage of females, the reverse was the case for the athletics team."

That's too long (57 words)! The overall statement needs to be brief. Otherwise, the examiner will think that you can't summarize.