People play on their mobile phones when they pick them up

[kachibibb]

People play on their mobile phones when they pick them up.

If I want to say, as soon as people grab their mobile phones from the bags/ suitcases/ pockets, they play games/ see videos/ listen to music with the phones.

Is the above sentence acceptable?

 

[emsr2d2]

People play on their mobile phones when they pick them up.

If I want to say no comma here that as soon as people grab their mobile [STRIKE]phones[/STRIKE] phone from their bags/suitcases/pockets, they play games/[STRIKE]see[/STRIKE] watch videos/listen to music [STRIKE]with[/STRIKE] on the [STRIKE]phones.[/STRIKE] phone, is the above sentence acceptable?

The original sentence is grammatically correct but it doesn't express most of the information you gave in your longer version. When you say "play on their mobile phones", I imagine only playing games. It doesn't cover listening to music, watching videos or general internet surfing.

I'm not really sure what your point is. Why would you get your phone out of your bag/suitcase/pocket, if you weren't planning to use it for something?

Note my corrections above. Don't put a space after a slash.

 

[Tarheel]

People play [games] on their mobile phones when they pick them up.

The "when they pick them up" phrase suggests to me that they got the phone from the phone repair shop. That is not, however, what you meant.

When I take my phone out of my pocket it might be to put it on the charger, to read a message (or to send a message), or to play a game, or to watch a video, or to get on the internet.

 

[Tdol]

How do they play on them without picking them up?