Please correct my writing. Thanks

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goodboybkk

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Please correct my essay and thanks in advance.

Some say that doing things together with others is better than doing it alone for essential life skills. Do you agree or disagree?

Several people believe that doing things together is more superior than alone for essential life skills however others feel otherwise. I agree with each of body of opinion.

From a global point of view, there 2 primary reasons why I strongly believe that doing things with others is more efficient in mastering essential survival skills. Perhaps the strongest of these is that you can exchange thoughts and techniques in group. For example, in martials arts class you may find a faster way to punch by looking at others doing punching and by comments and feedback from martial arts colleagues and teachers. Another compelling reason in favour of this is that in group activity you do not feel lonely, depressed and rejected. This is because you may feel supported emotionally and physically by other group participants, which in turn leads to more a enjoyable pursuit.

Despite these logically strong arguments, there is a also a case of the notion, which I agree with, that doing activity alone is better than group activity at sharping essential life skills. Probably the most compelling reason in favour of this is that you can get help from the Internet while doing martial art trainings alone. This is due to the fact that you can post online what you are doing online to get feedback from other martial arts experts who are also the Internet users. Another justification in support of this idea is that some group participants are not honestly welcoming and supporting you because of jealousy. Therefore, in that situation it is better to do acvity alone while listening music or watching Youtube to improve wellbeing.

In conclusion, upgrading essential life skills in a group or a solitary way is a topic which is somewhat relevant to modern society. I wholeheartedly believe that doing activity alone is as good as doing one in group for honing essential life skills.
 

emsr2d2

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Where did you find the essay prompt? What is the purpose of the essay?
 

goodboybkk

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IELTS exam which I just took last week.
The main purpose of the essay is to check exam taker's English ability.
 

emsr2d2

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IELTS exam which I just took last week.
Is this an exact copy of the essay you wrote in the exam?
The main purpose of the essay is to check exam taker's English ability.
Everything in an English exam is designed to check the exam-taker's English! I was trying to find out if you were writing this essay for practice or if it was to be marked or graded.
 

Tarheel

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I wouldn't ask someone to correct my writing. I would ask for suggestions for improvements. I also wouldn't thank people in advance.

Why did you post the whole thing? Wouldn't a paragraph or two be more manageable?

Please read post #4 again. Why? Because you probably didn't see everything you should have the first time.
 

goodboybkk

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If my memory serves me correctly, the essay prompt says "Some say that doing things together with others ( in a group ) is better than doing it alone for improving essential life skills"
 

goodboybkk

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I wouldn't ask someone to correct my writing. I would ask for suggestions for improvements. I also wouldn't thank people in advance.

Why did you post the whole thing? Wouldn't a paragraph or two be more manageable?

Please read post #4 again. Why? Because you probably didn't see everything you should have the first time.
Can you offer some suggestions in only one of the paragraphs?
 

goodboybkk

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Is this an exact copy of the essay you wrote in the exam?

Everything in an English exam is designed to check the exam-taker's English! I was trying to find out if you were writing this essay for practice or if it was to be marked or graded.

This essay is for practicing English ability.
 

Tarheel

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No, it is redundant.
You were too quick! I deleted my post when I realized that was in the prompt and was not your writing.

Maybe you are smarter than they are.
😀
 

Tarheel

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Can you offer some suggestions in only one of the paragraphs?
I can. (I can't do whole thing at once. (I'm not as smart as @emsr2d2 . Plus this tiny device has a small screen. Also, it may be more useful to look at just one or two things at a time.))
 

Tarheel

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Unfortunately, it is unclear from the prompt what they are talking about. For example, what do they mean by "essential life skills"? What about tying your shoes? Are you supposed to do that with somebody? Is eating considered an essential life skill? (You can sit at the same table with somebody else, but that person is a very young child we don't help them eat their food.)

In your first paragraph you pretty much just repeat what the prompt says, and I have problems with the grammar in the prompt. It's awful!
 

Tarheel

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Perhaps:

Some people believe that doing things with somebody is better than doing those things by yourself. Others believe it is better to do those things by yourself. I can agree with both sides of that question.

Don't change it to "Several people" unless you know those people.

I would think it would matter what things you are talking about.
 

goodboybkk

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I was too confused with the meaning of essential life skills during that exam and it seems that there is non essential life skills too.
Basically that prompt say something like "group activity is better for improving essential life skills than solo one".
 

Tarheel

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I was too confused with the meaning of essential life skills during that exam and it seems that there ARE non essential life skills too.
Basically that prompt sayS something like "group activity is better for improving essential life skills than solo oneS".
It's hard to know what they mean by "essential life skills" unless they at least give some examples.

Maybe with learning some things it helps to be a part of a group, but I think it depends on what it is.
 

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Tarheel

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I think the question should be: "Do you learn better in a classroom setting or so you do a better job of it (learning) on your own?"
 

Tarheel

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Perhaps:

There are two main reasons why doing things with others is a better way to learn essential survival skills."

I don't know what you mean by"From a global point of view" there.
 
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