The unknown/strange woman.

[99bottles]

Which adjective is more natural for introducing a new person in a scene? For example, in this sentence:

She saw a woman approaching. The unknown/strange woman had blonde hair and blue eyes.

Note: OK, I know that, in this specific case, I could also say a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, but that would sound confusing: She saw a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes approaching??? (Who is approaching the woman or the eyes? )

 

[jutfrank]

Is this passage really from your novel? Or have you made it up just for us? The way you've written it as two short sentences, with the repetition of woman, sounds very stilted.

She saw a strange woman approaching, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

 

[99bottles]

1. Is this passage really from your novel? Or have you made it up just for us? The way you've written it as two short sentences, with the repetition of woman, sounds very stilted.

2. She saw a strange woman approaching, with blonde hair and blue eyes.

1. Well, usually, I give you simplified forms of what I want to write. If I gave you the exact same sentences, I'd have spoiled 80% of the book by now.

2. Are you sure this isn't confusing too? Doesn't it sound as if blonde hair and blue eyes were tools which the first female (she) used to see the second female (woman)?

 

[5jj]

2. Are you sure this isn't confusing too? Doesn't it sound as if blonde hair and blue eyes were tools which the first female (she) used to see the second female (woman)?

No native speaker would interpret it in that way.

 

[99bottles]

No native speaker would interpret it in that way.

OK, I'll use that then. So, are the adjectives unknown/strange a wrong choice when describing a person whose name hasn't been mentioned yet?

 

[emsr2d2]

She saw a blonde, blue-eyed woman she didn't recognise approaching.

 

[99bottles]

She saw a blonde, blue-eyed woman she didn't recognise approaching.

OK, but in other similar sentences, where I also mention the length of the hair (long/short hair), I cannot use that.

 

[5jj]

You cannot use what?

 

[99bottles]

You cannot use what?

A blond, blue-eyed woman, since that does not include the length of the hair.

 

[5jj]

You did not mention the length of her hair in the original sentence, so nobody added it to the revisions.

 

[emsr2d2]

We're not psychic, 99bottles. When you give us a sentence, we make grammatical revisions (or those that make it more natural) while sticking as closely as possible to the original concept. We don't tend to include information you didn't give us in the first place. If you want to write a sentence that includes the length of her hair, please start a new thread.

 

[99bottles]

You did not mention the length of her hair in the original sentence, so nobody added it to the revisions.

I know. In Post #7, someone suggested something, and I was like, 'OK, but the problem is that there are many similar sentences in my manuscript, and some of them also include hair length. So, supposing the original sentence included hair length, how should I write it?'

 

[Yankee]

Which adjective is more natural for introducing a new person in a scene? For example, in this sentence:

She saw a woman approaching. The unknown/strange woman had blonde hair and blue eyes.

Note: OK, I know that, in this specific case, I could also say a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, but that would sound confusing: She saw a woman with blonde hair and blue eyes approaching??? (Who is approaching the woman or the eyes? )

Well, was she unknown or strange or both (use a comma). And I would find it difficult to determine one's eye color as they approached.

 

[emsr2d2]

I just asked you to start a new thread, suggesting your own sentence that includes hair length.

 

[99bottles]

I just asked you to start a new thread, suggesting your own sentence that includes hair length.

Sorry. I replied to the post above yours before I saw yours. I'll start a new thread.