Bassim
VIP Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2008
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Bosnian
- Home Country
- Bosnia Herzegovina
- Current Location
- Sweden
Have I made any mistakes? This short story is just a writing exercise.
A certain Bob Fox disappeared one day without trace. His wife went to the police and reported him missing, but although they tried everything, Bob seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth. To Gina's questions they could only shrug their shoulders instead of a reply. They told her that because nothing was heard from him for months, he was probably a victim of a crime and dead. Years past without any news, but Gina's intuition warned her that Bob was still alive and even laughing at her. She had to find him whatever the cost. She took all the money out of her bank and also the inheritance she got after her parent's deaths, and hired a couple of private detectives. As she suspected Bob was in Thailand, his favourite destination, Gina dispatched the detectives there. About two weeks later, the good news finally arrived. They had traced him in a slum in Bangkok, where Bob lived with his Thai life and two children. The news made her furious. "You dirty codger!" she shouted and made immediate preparations for the trip. She went to a shop selling electrical products and bough the thickest cable she could find. She wondered what lie she would say if the shop assistant was going to ask her why she needed a meter of a thick cable, but the man measured and cut it without asking anything. She packet it together with some clothes in her cabin bag and took the flight.
After arriving, she gave the taxi driver the address, and about thirty minuter later, she found herself in a terrible place that stank like sewage and made her gag. The small, ramshackle houses seemed to be built from pieces of cardboard and sheets of metal. Then she saw him. Bob stood in front of a such a house, wearing just a pair of tattered shorts and sandals. His grey hair, long grey beard and thin face gave him the look of a guru who had not eaten for months and lived just on meditation.
He startled like a deer caught in the headlights. "You?" he said and was struck dumb.
"Yes, Me!" she shouted and opened the bag. Before Bob could react, she struck him with the cable across his collarbone. The pain was unbearable and he screamed. But Gina's fury was unstoppable, and she whipped savagely across his body, breaking his skin and drawing trickles of blood. Bob's screams alarmed his wife and children, who ran to his rescue, but they were no match for Gina and her 145 kg. She swept them aside with a single sweep of her strong arm as if they were toys. Bob used this moment of distraction and ran into the house. He closed the door and leaned on it, but Gina struck the flimsy walls as if they were pack of cards and went on hitting her husband with blind rage.
In the end, it took about twenty people to restrain the fuming woman. The poor Bob was hardly alive and covered in blood from head to toe. His wife washed the blood from his face and put ointment on his wounds and welts. Their home looked as if it had been blown away by a hurricane.
Gina was arrested by the police, which arrived in five armoured personnel carriers. They had heard reports that a horrendous monster was creating a destruction in the slum and had to be prepared for the worst. She was deported to the UK the same day, of course without her cable, which ended up in the police museum.
But she would never be forgotten for the inhabitants of the slum. Every evening mothers tell their children a bedtime story about a fat jealous woman who had come from far away to punish her stray husband.
THE END
A certain Bob Fox disappeared one day without trace. His wife went to the police and reported him missing, but although they tried everything, Bob seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth. To Gina's questions they could only shrug their shoulders instead of a reply. They told her that because nothing was heard from him for months, he was probably a victim of a crime and dead. Years past without any news, but Gina's intuition warned her that Bob was still alive and even laughing at her. She had to find him whatever the cost. She took all the money out of her bank and also the inheritance she got after her parent's deaths, and hired a couple of private detectives. As she suspected Bob was in Thailand, his favourite destination, Gina dispatched the detectives there. About two weeks later, the good news finally arrived. They had traced him in a slum in Bangkok, where Bob lived with his Thai life and two children. The news made her furious. "You dirty codger!" she shouted and made immediate preparations for the trip. She went to a shop selling electrical products and bough the thickest cable she could find. She wondered what lie she would say if the shop assistant was going to ask her why she needed a meter of a thick cable, but the man measured and cut it without asking anything. She packet it together with some clothes in her cabin bag and took the flight.
After arriving, she gave the taxi driver the address, and about thirty minuter later, she found herself in a terrible place that stank like sewage and made her gag. The small, ramshackle houses seemed to be built from pieces of cardboard and sheets of metal. Then she saw him. Bob stood in front of a such a house, wearing just a pair of tattered shorts and sandals. His grey hair, long grey beard and thin face gave him the look of a guru who had not eaten for months and lived just on meditation.
He startled like a deer caught in the headlights. "You?" he said and was struck dumb.
"Yes, Me!" she shouted and opened the bag. Before Bob could react, she struck him with the cable across his collarbone. The pain was unbearable and he screamed. But Gina's fury was unstoppable, and she whipped savagely across his body, breaking his skin and drawing trickles of blood. Bob's screams alarmed his wife and children, who ran to his rescue, but they were no match for Gina and her 145 kg. She swept them aside with a single sweep of her strong arm as if they were toys. Bob used this moment of distraction and ran into the house. He closed the door and leaned on it, but Gina struck the flimsy walls as if they were pack of cards and went on hitting her husband with blind rage.
In the end, it took about twenty people to restrain the fuming woman. The poor Bob was hardly alive and covered in blood from head to toe. His wife washed the blood from his face and put ointment on his wounds and welts. Their home looked as if it had been blown away by a hurricane.
Gina was arrested by the police, which arrived in five armoured personnel carriers. They had heard reports that a horrendous monster was creating a destruction in the slum and had to be prepared for the worst. She was deported to the UK the same day, of course without her cable, which ended up in the police museum.
But she would never be forgotten for the inhabitants of the slum. Every evening mothers tell their children a bedtime story about a fat jealous woman who had come from far away to punish her stray husband.
THE END
