[General] Could someone please improve this short email for me?

[Ameri]

This is a work-related email (semi-formal) and I would love to know how you would make it sound better. I feel like "I will have to kindly ask" does not sound natural? Thanks in advance!

Thank you very much for your warm email. I have submitted my application requesting my start date to be on May 20th and hope my application gets approved by mid August. In case that does not happen then I will have to kindly ask you change my start date to sometime later. Also, thanks for providing the brief overview on relocation process. I will definitely call you later as we get closer to my start date so I can talk to you about the moving process.

 

[emsr2d2]

This is a work-related email (semi-formal) and I would love to know how you would make it sound better. I feel like "I will have to kindly ask" does not sound natural.
[STRIKE]Thanks in advance![/STRIKE] Unnecessary. Click on the "Thank" button after we help you.

Thank you very much for your warm email. I have submitted my application requesting [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] to start [STRIKE]date to be[/STRIKE] on May 20th and hope my application [STRIKE]gets[/STRIKE] will be approved by mid-August. [STRIKE]In case[/STRIKE] If that does not happen, [STRIKE]then[/STRIKE] I will have to [STRIKE]kindly ask you change my[/STRIKE] request a later start date. [STRIKE]to sometime later.[/STRIKE]
[STRIKE]
Also,[/STRIKE] Thanks for providing the brief overview [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] of the relocation process. I will [STRIKE]definitely[/STRIKE] call you [STRIKE]later as we get[/STRIKE] closer to my start date [STRIKE]so I can talk to you about[/STRIKE] to discuss the moving process.

See above.

 

[Yankee]

This is a work-related email (semi-formal) and I would love to know how you would make it sound better. I feel like "I will have to kindly ask" does not sound natural? Thanks in advance!

Thank you very much for your [STRIKE]warm[/STRIKE] email. I have submitted my application requesting my start date to be [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] May 20th and hope my application [STRIKE]gets[/STRIKE] will be approved by mid August. In case that does not happen, [STRIKE]then[/STRIKE] I [STRIKE]will have to kindly[/STRIKE] ask that you [STRIKE]change[/STRIKE] revise my start date to sometime later. Also, thanks for providing the brief overview on the relocation process. I will definitely call you later as we get closer to my start date so I can talk to you about the moving process.

Another option.