Diary entry - My friend told me she had breathing difficulty while commuting to work

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

My friend told me she had breathing difficulty while commuting to work. I asked her what happened. She said she was stressed out because her superior was not satisfied with her performance. Her superior kept blaming her for being stupid. She also reminded my friend that her salary was overpaid so please worked harder to live up to that pay. I couldn't believe there was such a rude person in the world. I asked my friend if she considered applying for another job. She refused because she wanted to prove her perseverance. I said, "Your superiors is trying to lower your self-worth. If you're that bad, why don't they just fire you? Or she simply wants you to quit." She insisted on staying in that company. The final comment I gave her was taking good care of her health.

 

[teechar]

she had breathing difficulty

That might work, but it's more natural to say "had difficulty breathing".

Her superior kept blaming her for being stupid.

That sentence acknowledges her stupidity. I doubt that's what you want to say.

She also reminded my friend that her salary was overpaid so please worked harder to live up to that pay.

That's ungrammatical, and the meaning is unclear.

I couldn't believe [STRIKE]there was such a rude person in the world.[/STRIKE] that anyone could be so rude. I asked my friend if she had considered applying for another job.

She refused because she wanted to prove her perseverance.

What do you mean by that?

I said, "Your superiors is trying to put you down. [STRIKE]lower your self-worth.[/STRIKE] If you're that bad, why don't they just fire you? Or perhaps she simply wants you to quit." She insisted on staying in that company. [STRIKE]The final comment I gave her was taking[/STRIKE] At the end, I told her to take good care of her health.

 

[Maybo]

Her superior kept blaming her for being stupid.

That sentence acknowledges her stupidity. I doubt that's what you want to say.

Her superior kept blaming her and said, "You're stupid".
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She refused because she wanted to prove her perseverance.

What do you mean by that?

She wanted to show other people that she could endure in a harsh working environment and wouldn't give up easily.

 

[Maybo]

She also reminded my friend that her salary was overpaid so please worked harder to live up to that pay.

That's ungrammatical, and the meaning is unclear.

The superior told my friend that originally, she wanted to give my friend an offer with $11000 but she finally raised it to $11500 . She now feels that my friend doesn't worth $11500 so she asked her to work harder for the extra $500 she gave her.

 

[teechar]

Her superior kept blaming her and said, "You're stupid".

That works. Use it.

She wanted to show other people that she could endure in a harsh working environment and wouldn't give up easily.

That works. Use it.

The superior told my friend that originally, she wanted to give my friend [STRIKE]an offer with[/STRIKE] $11,000, but she finally raised it to $11,500 . She now feels that my friend doesn't [STRIKE]worth[/STRIKE] deserve $11,500, so she asked her to work harder for the extra $500 she gave her.

 

[tedmc]

How about:

My friend's superior feels that my friend's performance did not match/ fell short of the salary she was paid and asked her to work harder.