Diary - My brother travelled abroad with her girlfriend recently.

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

My brother travelled abroad with her girlfriend recently. I asked him to send me some gifts or a postcard but he refused because he said I could get those things in Hong Kong so there was no need to buy them. However, I later found that he brought a lot of stuff for her girlfriend, and the luggage almost couldn't even close. Bad!

 

[emsr2d2]

My brother travelled abroad with her girlfriend recently.

Let's start with the very basic mistake in that sentence. Can you spot it? You've made the same error later in the text.

 

[Maybo]

Let's start with the very basic mistake in that sentence. Can you spot it? You've made the same error later in the text.

My brother travelled abroad with his girlfriend recently. I asked him to send me some gifts or a postcard but he refused because he said I could get those things in Hong Kong so there was no need to buy them. However, I later found that he brought a lot of stuff for his girlfriend, and the luggage almost couldn't even close. Bad!

 

[Tarheel]

My brother travelled abroad with his girlfriend recently. I asked him to send me some gifts or a postcard, but he refused because he said I could get those things in Hong Kong so there was no need to buy them there. However, I later found that he bought a lot of stuff for his girlfriend, and the luggage almost couldn't even close. Bad!

Wow! He didn't even send you a postcard? How cheap is that? Well, I guess I guess his girlfriend is happy.

 

[emsr2d2]

At the end, I'd say "I later found out that he bought so much stuff for his girlfriend that their suitcase would barely close! I'm quite annoyed!"

 

[tedmc]

Did you ask your brother to send you some gifts from abroad, which you wrote, or bring them back?

 

[Maybo]

Did you ask your brother to send you some gifts from abroad, which you wrote, or bring them back?

I asked him to send me from abroad. He’s not coming back.

 

[Tarheel]

I asked him to send them to me from abroad. He’s not coming back.

You don't have to tell me, of course, but I'm curious about where he moved to. If his English is as good as yours*, he probably moved to the United States. Am I right?

______________________________
"Obviously it's not perfect, but it's getting better by the minute. ☺

 

[Maybo]

He’s living in Finland.

You don't have to tell me, of course, but I'm curious about where he moved to. If his English is as good as yours*, he probably moved to the United States. Am I right?

______________________________
"Obviously it's not perfect, but it's getting better by the minute. ☺

 

[Tarheel]

He’s living in Finland.

Well, that's a colder climate for sure.

You can see the Northern Lights (aurora Borealis) there.

 

[emsr2d2]

He’s not coming back.

In that case, you should have started with "My brother recently moved abroad with his girlfriend." Using "travelled" made it sound like a holiday (vacation).

 

[Tarheel]

This story certainly has taken some twists and turns.

 

[emsr2d2]

I've just reread the original and now I'm a bit confused. What luggage wouldn't close? If your brother and his girlfriend moved abroad, they would have unpacked their luggage before he started buying her presents. Those presents are now, presumably, in their new home.

I'm wondering if it's only your brother who's moved away permanently and his girlfriend simply travelled with him for a short holiday before returning home. If that's the case, then you need to make it clear that it was her luggage for the return trip that would barely close.

In an attempt to get to the bottom of this, please answer the following.

1. Did they go from Hong Kong to Finland together?
2. Is your brother's girlfriend now back in Hong Kong?
3. If so, was it her luggage for her return to Hong Kong that was overstuffed with presents?
4. If she's not now back in Hong Kong but is still in Finland, what luggage are you referring to?

 

[Maybo]

I've just reread the original and now I'm a bit confused. What luggage wouldn't close? If your brother and his girlfriend moved abroad, they would have unpacked their luggage before he started buying her presents. Those presents are now, presumably, in their new home.

I'm wondering if it's only your brother who's moved away permanently and his girlfriend simply travelled with him for a short holiday before returning home. If that's the case, then you need to make it clear that it was her luggage for the return trip that would barely close.

In an attempt to get to the bottom of this, please answer the following.

1. Did they go from Hong Kong to Finland together?
2. Is your brother's girlfriend now back in Hong Kong?
3. If so, was it her luggage for her return to Hong Kong that was overstuffed with presents?
4. If she's not now back in Hong Kong but is still in Finland, what luggage are you referring to?

1. No, my brother met her in Finland. The girl is from Finland.
2. They are living in Finland but travelled to the UK recently for vacation.
3. The luggage refers to her girlfriend’s luggage. When they went back to Finland, the girl got many things from my brother so her luggage could close barely.

 

[Tarheel]

1. No, my brother met her in Finland. The girl is from Finland.
2. They are living in Finland but travelled to the UK recently for vacation.
3. The luggage refers to her girlfriend’s luggage. When they went back to Finland, the girl got many things from my brother so her luggage could barely close.

This is getting more and more interesting.

I am more and more curious, and I can't help wondering how you know all this stuff if you weren't there. I'm guessing he told you that stuff, but it seems odd that he would tell you the story in so much detail especially knowing that you might be annoyed that he didn't get you anything.

Wow! Finland! You can't get much more different from China that that.

(I remember Eric from a long time ago. He was talking about leaving China to go to Australia. I don't know if he ever did.)

 

[Maybo]

This is getting more and more interesting.

I am more and more curious, and I can't help wondering how you know all this stuff if you weren't there. I'm guessing he told you that stuff, but it seems odd that he would tell you the story in so much detail especially knowing that you might be annoyed that he didn't get you anything.

Wow! Finland! You can't get much more different from China that that.

(I remember Eric from a long time ago. He was talking about leaving China to go to Australia. I don't know if he ever did.)

He told my mother he bought his girlfriend many things and my mother told me. This is a short entry so I didn’t include some details.

 

[Tarheel]

@Maybo The details are what make it interesting.

This story turned out way different from the way it started. I thought maybe he had visited Japan or Thailand or something, but he moved to Finland. That's a whole different kettle of fish.

 

[tedmc]

I asked him to send me the gifts from abroad. He’s not coming back.

You gave me the impression that your brother travelled abroad for holiday and bought gifts to bring back to his girlfriend in Hong Kong (minus your share).

 

[Maybo]

You gave me the impression that your brother travelled abroad for holiday and bought gifts to bring back to his girlfriend in Hong Kong (minus your share).

I mistakenly typed “brought”. It should be “bought”. They travelled together “My brother travelled abroad with his girlfriend recently”.

 

[emsr2d2]

1. No, my brother met her in Finland. The girl is from Finland. She is Finnish.
2. They are living in Finland but travelled to the UK recently for a vacation.
3. The luggage refers to her his girlfriend’s luggage. When they went back to Finland, the girl got many things from my brother so her luggage couldn’t close almost. My brother bought her a lot of things in the UK so her luggage almost wouldn't close when they packed to go back to Finland.