I am writing to apply for the part-time job at your City Museum shop

[Moc Chi]

Plz help me fix this letter if it has a lot of mistakes

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the part-time job at your City Museum shop in response to a job advert that was published in the Daily Observer on 27th March 2020. I am a third-year student at Lincon College and my major is history. We are currently on our summer break and I am hoping to gain some valuable work experience and would like to discuss my possible employment opportunity in your museum shop.

Our college has declared a summer holiday from 1st June to 30th March 2020. I will be free during these days and would be able to work full-time or part-time as per your requirement.

I worked in a local history Museum in my hometown for eight months in early 2018. In addition to that, I am quite good with computers and numbers. I believe I would be a great asset to your business.

I am passionate about history and museums since my childhood. There is no Museum in this city that I haven't been to. I love your Museum as it has a wide variety of historical objects and abundant audio-visual library. I know how important the shop is in terms of selling antiques and collector's items to the visitors. I am positive that I can boost your sells.

I believe that my enthusiasm for history and museum and relevant skills will make me a good candidate for this position. I am ready to discuss further in a formal interview at any time.

Yours faithfully,

 

[Tarheel]

It looks good except considering that the ad was posted in 2020 the position has probably been filled.

 

[emsr2d2]

Plz Please help me fix this letter if it has a lot of mistakes.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the part-time job at your City Museum shop in response to a job advert that was published in the Daily Observer on 27th March 2020. I am a third-year student at Lincoln College and my major is History. We are currently on our summer break and I am hoping to gain some valuable work experience and would like to discuss my the possible employment opportunity in your museum shop.

Our college has declared a summer holiday from 1st June to 30th March 2020. These dates don't make sense. That's a ten-month holiday!

I will be free during these days at that time and would be able to work full-time or part-time as required. per your requirement.

I worked in a local history museum in my hometown for eight months in early 2018. In addition to that, I am quite good with computers and numbers. I believe I would be a great asset to your business.

I am have been passionate about history and museums since my childhood. There is no museum in this city that I haven't been to. I love your museum as it has a wide variety of historical objects and a abundant large audio-visual library. I know how important the shop is in terms of selling antiques and collector's items to the visitors. I am positive that I can boost your sells sales.

I believe that my enthusiasm for history and museums and my relevant skills will make me a good candidate for this position. I am ready to discuss this further in at a formal interview at any time.

Yours faithfully,

See my corrections (in red) and comments (in blue) above. Only capitalise "museum" when it's part of the official title. The City Museum is a museum.
Of course, I echo Tarheel's comment about the fact that everything in your letter refers to the year 2020. Don't you think it's a bit late to be writing this letter?

 

[Moc Chi]

See my corrections (in red) and comments (in blue) above. Only capitalise "museum" when it's part of the official title. The City Museum is a museum.
Of course, I echo Tarheel's comment about the fact that everything in your letter refers to the year 2020. Don't you think it's a bit late to be writing this letter?

Thanks for your help

 

[Tarheel]

I also noticed the dates for the holiday. That's a very long break between classes.

It doesn't really matter what you say in the letter if it's two years late.

It would be interesting to know if anybody looks at the previous threads in this section. (I am sure the same advice has been given numerous times.)

 

[emsr2d2]

Thanks for your help.

You must end every sentence with a punctuation mark. An emoji is not a replacement for punctuation. Also note that, in future, there is no need to write a new post to thank anyone. Simply add a "Thank" icon (found by hovering over the "Like" button) to any post you find helpful.

What is your reaction to our comments about the job being advertised in 2020, and the strange dates of the college holiday?