It's already everywhere; might as well reap the benefits

Glizdka

Key Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2019
Member Type
Other
Native Language
Polish
Home Country
Poland
Current Location
Poland
Hi!

This is my report on the press conference between The New York Times and ExtremAction, the fictional game developer in Market Leader Upper Intermediate's writing task, page 110-111.

Could you check it for me and say what you think?

“It’s already everywhere; might as well reap the benefits.”


Last Thursday, a press conference was held between The New York Times, representing the concerns of the outraged public, parents, and government officials, and ExtremAction, the creator and developer of In Range, a revolutionary game that has been all the rage in the media for the last couple of weeks.

The game features an extremely graphic representation of a brutal assault on a drug cartel by special forces in a first-person perspective. Utilizing the latest achievements in artificial-intelligence-generated graphics capable of creating a lifelike experience, In Range enables players to fully immerse themselves in a merciless world where the more violent they are during the interrogation of captured gang members, the more likely they are to extort vital information needed to dismantle the drug baron’s illegal operation. Needless to say, the sheer brutality and realism of the scenes in In Range, which convincingly resemble legitimate body camera footage, have raised concerns among people who worry about the influence of such games on our youth.

ExtremAction dismissed the notion that their game could contribute to a rise in crime among teenagers, stating that "Violence is already present in mass media, such as films and music," and that they are only another form of violence accessible to youngsters. While the number of school shootings across the country is increasing at an alarming rate, it is worth asking whether yet another form of brutal and graphic entertainment aimed at teenagers is what we need

Psychology professor Carl Davis has just released the findings of his recent three-year-long study, which demonstrate a direct correlation between exposure to violent video games and a tendency toward aggressive behaviors among adolescents. Police statistics also show that seven out of ten school shooters have played brutal video games that promote and reward aggressive behavior. U.S. Senator Arnold Schwarzenegger has introduced a bill that would either ban or, at the very least, heavily restrict the distribution of such games.

The future of ExtremAction’s In Range remains uncertain, much like the future our children will be growing up in.
 
Last edited:

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Did you write the whole thing?
 

jutfrank

VIP Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2014
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
England
Current Location
England
It certainly matches your usual very high standard of written English, Glizdka.

What specific kind of feedback are you looking for? Is this just practice or is it intended as a model for use in the classroom?
 

tedmc

VIP Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Malaysia
I am not sure what you mean by "reap the benefits". I take it that "it" in "it's already everywhere" refers to "violence". Violence does not produce benefits. It captivates young people and helps to sell the product, the online game. The game developer benefits from the sale of the online game.
 
Last edited:

Glizdka

Key Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2019
Member Type
Other
Native Language
Polish
Home Country
Poland
Current Location
Poland
Did you write the whole thing?
Yes.

What specific kind of feedback are you looking for? Is this just practice or is it intended as a model for use in the classroom?
It's just practice. I'd like to ask you to check if I've made any mistakes and tell me what you think about this piece of writing in general.

I'm trying to emulate the writing style typical of clickbaity journalism, appealing to the reader's emotion and craving for controversy.

I am not sure what you mean by "reap the benefits". I take it that "it" in "it's already everywhere" refers to "violence". Violence does not produce benefits. It captivates young people and helps to sell the product, the online game. The game developer benefits from the sale of the online game.
I thought there would be no problem with pronoun reference and connecting the dots to find the link between what it refers to and what the source of said benefits is. Would you like to suggest a better title?
 
Last edited:

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Normally at a press conference somebody gives a speech about something and then takes questions from the press. That didn't happen. As for a title, perhaps: Violence and Video Games.

The writing is at a high level, but there are some things I would change if I was editing it for publication.
 

tedmc

VIP Member
Joined
Apr 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
Malaysia
Current Location
Malaysia
As for a title, perhaps: Violence and Video Games.
I think that 's a bit plain.

How about: It's already everywhere; might as well go with the flow.
 

Glizdka

Key Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2019
Member Type
Other
Native Language
Polish
Home Country
Poland
Current Location
Poland
How about: It's already everywhere; might as well go with the flow.
But only dead fish go with the flow. I wanted the title to invoke a sense of greed, insensitivity, and malice.
 

Tarheel

VIP Member
Joined
Jun 16, 2014
Member Type
Interested in Language
Native Language
American English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
I think that 's a bit plain.

How about: It's already everywhere; might as well go with the flow.
All you need the title to do is give the reader an idea of what the piece is about. Sometimes it doesn't even do that. "The Raven" doesn't tell you what the poem is about, but it it does bring it to mind quickly.
 

jutfrank

VIP Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2014
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
England
Current Location
England
I don't like the title. It doesn't sound very journalistic. It sounds like informal speech, especially the 'might as well' bit.
 
Top