Letter of motivation for Erasmus scholarship

Iqbal hussain

Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2023
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Urdu
Home Country
Pakistan
Current Location
Pakistan
I am applying to Erasmus Mundus Scholarship this September, can someone proofread my motivational letter and give me some suggestions? no words limit

IQBAL HUSSAIN
Erasmus Mundus BDMS Program
BS. STATISTICS
Email#
Sep,2023
“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that count. - Winston Churchill”

Dear Sir/Madam
,

Throughout my life, I have been interested in dealing with data and always loved playing with coding. Unfortunately, I grew up in a town devoid of computers, internet, and even electricity. Similarly, when fluid in 2010 disconnected us by destroying the bridge and people installed a chairlift to cross the river it was a tragedy when I got stuck in a lift and I lost my little finger. This adversity, however, steeled my determination and commitment to my dream of becoming the first graduate and a data analyst in my village. After college, having a maths degree really helped me further identify my niche and motivated me to pursue a graduate degree in statistics with a connection to Computers and Mathematics. Despite this hurdle, I completed my Bachelor’s in Statistics with a scholarship granted by the University for orphan students.

I acquired extensive knowledge and skills in machine learning and big data. This exploration led me to embark on a research project focused on the reduction of high-dimensional data, resulting in the proposal of a hybrid model that was eventually published in an esteemed IEEE journal. Inspired by this achievement and the ever-growing potential of data-driven insights, I am resolute and confident in my desire to continue my academic journey. I am particularly drawn to the field of Big Data Management and Analytics, where I envision honing my skills in handling and deriving valuable insights from vast and complex datasets. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about applying for a Master’s degree in "Big Data Management and Analytics," which I believe will be the next pivotal step in realizing my aspirations.

I believe the “Big Data Management and Analytics” is a program that combines all the topics I am interested in such as Machine Learning, Statistical Learning, Deep Learning, Data Mining, Big Data Management, and Big Data Research Projects. Living in different countries provides an opportunity to experience different approaches to learning other languages and cultures. Moreover, I would like to take part in field trips, attend summer schools, exchange ideas, and companies collaboration, and build a network connection with different scholars and professors and apart from that I would love to participate in games such as cricket, football, and swimming which have always been my favorite hobbies.

I aim to excel in my future career by focusing on academic growth in machine learning, big data, and statistical learning. My objective is to publish impactful research that drives me toward a Ph.D., elevates the university and professor profile in research publications, and leaves behind some yellow flowers of my own. To achieve this, I intend to complete my master's thesis at “Universität Politécnica de Cataluya” (UPC), with a thesis on high-dimensional data reduction OR feature selection from big data using machine learning algorithms. Dr. Jamie "Arjona Martinez," with expertise in machine learning, statistics, and data science, aligns perfectly with my research, and I would love to work under his kind supervision.

I take great pride in my year-long lecturing at college. This experience honed my time management, communication, and presentation skills while offering exposure to international conferences. Alongside organizing international conferences, competing globally and locally, engaging in debates, and representing department in seminars, I bring a diverse skill set that would greatly benefit the concerned universities.

This field requires a lot of resources and up-to-date computers, but the university I attend does not have sufficient resources. Therefore, I firmly believe that the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship and the chosen program would be a valuable opportunity that will allow me to enrich my academic, and professional career and will help me achieve my ambition as a data scientist and big data analyst.

Losing my father at four, my mother took on the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she's now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

Thank you for your time and consideration

Regards,

Iqbal Hussain.
 
- Were you asked to cover any particular areas/points?
- What's the submission deadline?
 
It’s supposed to be at the end of this month.
  • Cover letter: Points will be assigned based on the following categories: organisation, sequencing, content, vocabulary and word choice, critical thinking, originality and creativity, accuracy of facts.
 
Will you be telling them you had help?
 
IQBAL HUSSAIN
Erasmus Mundus BDMS Program
BS. STATISTICS
Email#
Sep,2023

[ 1] “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that count. - Winston Churchill”

Dear Sir/Madam,

Throughout my life, For a long time, I have been interested in dealing with data and always loved playing with coding. Unfortunately, I grew up in a town devoid of where there were hardly any computers, internet, and or sometimes even electricity. Similarly, Life was so challenging for me as a child, that for example, when fluid a devastating flood in 2010 disconnected us by destroying the bridge and people installed a chairlift to cross the river, it was a tragedy when I tragically got stuck in a the lift and I lost my little finger. This adversity, however, steeled my determination and commitment to my dream of becoming the first graduate and data analyst in my village. After college, having a obtaining my maths degree really helped me further identify my niche and motivated me I decided to pursue a graduate degree in statistics with a connection to a focus on computers and mathematics. Despite this hurdle, [ 2] I completed my Bachelor’s in Statistics with a scholarship for orphaned students granted by the [ 3] Bellingham University. for orphan students.

[ 4] I acquired extensive knowledge and skills in machine learning and big data. This exploration led me to embark on a research project [ 4] focused on the reduction of high-dimensional data, resulting in the proposal of a hybrid model that was eventually published in an esteemed IEEE journal. Inspired by this achievement and the ever-growing potential of data-driven insights, I am resolute and confident in my desire to continue my academic journey. I am particularly drawn to the field of Big Data Management and Analytics, where I envision honing my skills in handling and deriving valuable insights from vast and complex datasets. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about applying for a Master’s degree in "Big Data Management and Analytics," which I believe will be the next pivotal step in realizing my aspirations.

I believe the “Big Data Management and Analytics” is a program that combines all the topics I am interested in such as Machine Learning, Statistical Learning, Deep Learning, Data Mining, Big Data Management, and Big Data Research Projects. [ 5] Living in different countries provides an opportunity to experience different approaches to learning other languages and cultures. Moreover, I would like to take part in field trips, attend summer schools, exchange ideas, and companies collaboration, and build a network connection with different scholars and professors and apart from that I would love to participate in games such as cricket, football, and swimming which have always been my favorite hobbies.

I aim to excel in my future career by [ 6] focusing on academic growth in machine learning, big data, and statistical learning. My objective is to publish impactful research that drives me toward a Ph.D., elevates the university and professor profile in research publications, and [ 6] leaves behind some yellow flowers of my own. To achieve this, I intend to complete my master's thesis at “Universität Politécnica de Cataluya” (UPC), with a thesis on high-dimensional data reduction OR feature selection from big data using machine learning algorithms. Dr. Jamie "Arjona Martinez," with expertise in machine learning, statistics, and data science, aligns perfectly with my research, and I would love to work under his kind supervision.

I take great pride in my year-long [ 4] lecturing at college. This experience honed my time management, communication, and presentation skills while offering exposure to international conferences. Alongside organizing international conferences, competing globally and locally, engaging in debates, and representing department in seminars, I bring a diverse skill set that would greatly benefit the concerned universities.

This field requires a lot of resources and up-to-date computers, but the university I attend does not have sufficient resources. Therefore, I firmly believe that the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship and the chosen program would be a valuable opportunity that will allow me to enrich my academic, and professional career and will help me achieve my ambition as a data scientist and big data analyst.

Losing my father at four, my mother took on the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she's now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

Thank you for your time and consideration

Regards,

Iqbal Hussain.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[ 1]: That is meaningless. Omit it.
[ 2]: Year?
[ 3]: Name of university?
[ 4]: Where/when?
[ 5]: Which countries?
[ 6]: What does that mean?
 
IQBAL HUSSAIN
Erasmus Mundus BDMS Program
BS. STATISTICS
Email#
Sep,2023

[ 1] “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that count. - Winston Churchill”

Dear Sir/Madam,

Throughout my life, For a long time, I have been interested in dealing with data and always loved playing with coding. Unfortunately, I grew up in a town devoid of where there were hardly any computers, internet, and or sometimes even electricity. Similarly, Life was so challenging for me as a child, that for example, when fluid a devastating flood in 2010 disconnected us by destroying the bridge and people installed a chairlift to cross the river, it was a tragedy when I tragically got stuck in a the lift and I lost my little finger. This adversity, however, steeled my determination and commitment to my dream of becoming the first graduate and data analyst in my village. After college, having a obtaining my maths degree really helped me further identify my niche and motivated me I decided to pursue a graduate degree in statistics with a connection to a focus on computers and mathematics. Despite this hurdle, [ 2] I completed my Bachelor’s in Statistics with a scholarship for orphaned students granted by the [ 3] Bellingham University. for orphan students.

[ 4] I acquired extensive knowledge and skills in machine learning and big data. This exploration led me to embark on a research project [ 4] focused on the reduction of high-dimensional data, resulting in the proposal of a hybrid model that was eventually published in an esteemed IEEE journal. Inspired by this achievement and the ever-growing potential of data-driven insights, I am resolute and confident in my desire to continue my academic journey. I am particularly drawn to the field of Big Data Management and Analytics, where I envision honing my skills in handling and deriving valuable insights from vast and complex datasets. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about applying for a Master’s degree in "Big Data Management and Analytics," which I believe will be the next pivotal step in realizing my aspirations.

I believe the “Big Data Management and Analytics” is a program that combines all the topics I am interested in such as Machine Learning, Statistical Learning, Deep Learning, Data Mining, Big Data Management, and Big Data Research Projects. [ 5] Living in different countries provides an opportunity to experience different approaches to learning other languages and cultures. Moreover, I would like to take part in field trips, attend summer schools, exchange ideas, and companies collaboration, and build a network connection with different scholars and professors and apart from that I would love to participate in games such as cricket, football, and swimming which have always been my favorite hobbies.

I aim to excel in my future career by [ 6] focusing on academic growth in machine learning, big data, and statistical learning. My objective is to publish impactful research that drives me toward a Ph.D., elevates the university and professor profile in research publications, and [ 6] leaves behind some yellow flowers of my own. To achieve this, I intend to complete my master's thesis at “Universität Politécnica de Cataluya” (UPC), with a thesis on high-dimensional data reduction OR feature selection from big data using machine learning algorithms. Dr. Jamie "Arjona Martinez," with expertise in machine learning, statistics, and data science, aligns perfectly with my research, and I would love to work under his kind supervision.

I take great pride in my year-long [ 4] lecturing at college. This experience honed my time management, communication, and presentation skills while offering exposure to international conferences. Alongside organizing international conferences, competing globally and locally, engaging in debates, and representing department in seminars, I bring a diverse skill set that would greatly benefit the concerned universities.

This field requires a lot of resources and up-to-date computers, but the university I attend does not have sufficient resources. Therefore, I firmly believe that the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship and the chosen program would be a valuable opportunity that will allow me to enrich my academic, and professional career and will help me achieve my ambition as a data scientist and big data analyst.

Losing my father at four, my mother took on the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she's now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

Thank you for your time and consideration

Regards,

Iqbal Hussain.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[ 1]: That is meaningless. Omit it.
[ 2]: Year?
[ 3]: Name of university?
[ 4]: Where/when?
[ 5]: Which countries?
[ 6]: What does that mean?
Thank you so much for your time and correction, I will definitely change the following comments but the 1st one was a poet and I heard from many Erasmus mundas scholars to start with some poetry that effect good and the 6th one meaning like after completion of my degree I will leave some my good work so that people can know it latter - Yellow Flowwers means that
 
IQBAL HUSSAIN
Erasmus Mundus BDMS Program
BS. STATISTICS
Email#
Sep,2023

[ 1] “Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that count. - Winston Churchill”

Dear Sir/Madam,

Throughout my life, For a long time, I have been interested in dealing with data and always loved playing with coding. Unfortunately, I grew up in a town devoid of where there were hardly any computers, internet, and or sometimes even electricity. Similarly, Life was so challenging for me as a child, that for example, when fluid a devastating flood in 2010 disconnected us by destroying the bridge and people installed a chairlift to cross the river, it was a tragedy when I tragically got stuck in a the lift and I lost my little finger. This adversity, however, steeled my determination and commitment to my dream of becoming the first graduate and data analyst in my village. After college, having a obtaining my maths degree really helped me further identify my niche and motivated me I decided to pursue a graduate degree in statistics with a connection to a focus on computers and mathematics. Despite this hurdle, [ 2] I completed my Bachelor’s in Statistics with a scholarship for orphaned students granted by the [ 3] Bellingham University. for orphan students.

[ 4] I acquired extensive knowledge and skills in machine learning and big data. This exploration led me to embark on a research project [ 4] focused on the reduction of high-dimensional data, resulting in the proposal of a hybrid model that was eventually published in an esteemed IEEE journal. Inspired by this achievement and the ever-growing potential of data-driven insights, I am resolute and confident in my desire to continue my academic journey. I am particularly drawn to the field of Big Data Management and Analytics, where I envision honing my skills in handling and deriving valuable insights from vast and complex datasets. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about applying for a Master’s degree in "Big Data Management and Analytics," which I believe will be the next pivotal step in realizing my aspirations.

I believe the “Big Data Management and Analytics” is a program that combines all the topics I am interested in such as Machine Learning, Statistical Learning, Deep Learning, Data Mining, Big Data Management, and Big Data Research Projects. [ 5] Living in different countries provides an opportunity to experience different approaches to learning other languages and cultures. Moreover, I would like to take part in field trips, attend summer schools, exchange ideas, and companies collaboration, and build a network connection with different scholars and professors and apart from that I would love to participate in games such as cricket, football, and swimming which have always been my favorite hobbies.

I aim to excel in my future career by [ 6] focusing on academic growth in machine learning, big data, and statistical learning. My objective is to publish impactful research that drives me toward a Ph.D., elevates the university and professor profile in research publications, and [ 6] leaves behind some yellow flowers of my own. To achieve this, I intend to complete my master's thesis at “Universität Politécnica de Cataluya” (UPC), with a thesis on high-dimensional data reduction OR feature selection from big data using machine learning algorithms. Dr. Jamie "Arjona Martinez," with expertise in machine learning, statistics, and data science, aligns perfectly with my research, and I would love to work under his kind supervision.

I take great pride in my year-long [ 4] lecturing at college. This experience honed my time management, communication, and presentation skills while offering exposure to international conferences. Alongside organizing international conferences, competing globally and locally, engaging in debates, and representing department in seminars, I bring a diverse skill set that would greatly benefit the concerned universities.

This field requires a lot of resources and up-to-date computers, but the university I attend does not have sufficient resources. Therefore, I firmly believe that the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship and the chosen program would be a valuable opportunity that will allow me to enrich my academic, and professional career and will help me achieve my ambition as a data scientist and big data analyst.

Losing my father at four, my mother took on the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she's now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

Thank you for your time and consideration

Regards,

Iqbal Hussain.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[ 1]: That is meaningless. Omit it.
[ 2]: Year?
[ 3]: Name of university?
[ 4]: Where/when?
[ 5]: Which countries?
[ 6]: What does that mean?
Should I consider it the final version?
 
Should I consider it the final version?
No. Just answer the five questions above. As for the meaningless quote at the start, it's entirely up to you whether you keep it or follow my advice.
 
No. Just answer the five questions above. As for the meaningless quote at the start, it's entirely up to you whether you keep it or follow my advice.
2: Bachelor’s from 2016 to 2020
3: Abdul Wali Khan University Mardan Pakistan.
4: During my bachelor’s and the research paper was after my graduation.
5: Actually the program I am applying for is having four semester’s and each semester you should study in different country they already mentioned them and for the research it’s up-to you where ever you want so that why I mentioned there that , living in different countries will provide………
6: Leave behind some yellow flowers of my own is kind of a sentence which I mean I wish to leave my great passion and good work so that people remember me after .
 
During my bachelor’s studies and through the work on my published paper, I acquired extensive knowledge and skills in machine learning and big data. This exploration led me to embark on a research project focused on the reduction of high-dimensional data, resulting in the proposal of a hybrid model that was eventually published in an esteemed IEEE journal. Inspired by this achievement and the ever-growing potential of data-driven insights, I am resolute and confident in my desire to continue my academic journey. I am particularly drawn to the field of Big Data Management and Analytics, where I envision honing my skills in handling and deriving valuable insights from vast and complex datasets. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about Thus, I am applying for the master’s degree in "Big Data Management and Analytics," which I believe will be the next pivotal step in realizing my aspirations.

I believe the “Big Data Management and Analytics” is a this program that combines all the topics I am interested in such as Machine Learning, Statistical Learning, Deep Learning, Data Mining, Big Data Management, and Big Data Research Projects. Living in different countries would provide an opportunity for me to experience different approaches to learning other learn new languages and experience new cultures. Moreover, I would like to take part in field trips, attend summer schools, exchange ideas, and companies collaboration, collaborate with companies, and build a network connection with different scholars and professors. and apart from that I would also love to participate in games such as cricket, football, and swimming which have always been my favorite hobbies.

I aim to excel in my future career by focusing on academic growth research in machine learning, big data, and statistical learning. My objective is to publish impactful research that drives me toward a Ph.D., elevates the university and professor profile in research publications, and makes a tangible positive change in my field. leaves behind some yellow flowers of my own. To achieve this, I intend to complete my master's thesis at “Universität Politécnica de Cataluya” (UPC), with a thesis on high-dimensional data reduction or feature selection from big data using machine learning algorithms. The work of Dr. Jamie "Arjona Martinez," with expertise in machine learning, statistics, and data science, aligns perfectly with my research, and I would love to work under his kind supervision.

I take great pride in my year-long lecturing at college. This experience honed my time management, communication, and presentation skills. while offering exposure to international conferences. Alongside my experience in organizing international conferences, competing globally and locally, engaging in debates, and representing department in seminars, I bring a diverse skill set that would greatly benefit the concerned universities.

This My field requires a lot of resources and up-to-date advanced computers, but the university I attend does not have sufficient resources. Therefore, I firmly believe that the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship and the chosen program would be a valuable opportunity that will allow me to enrich my academic, and professional career and will help me achieve my ambition as a data scientist and big data analyst.

[ 1] This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

Thank you for considering my application. your time and consideration

Regards,

Yours faithfully,

Iqbal Hussain.
---------------------
[ 1]: That is repetitive.
[ 2]: Note the correct position for this part:

Losing my father at four, my mother took on the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she's she is now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This adversity, however, steeled ….
 
During my bachelor’s studies and through the work on my published paper, I acquired extensive knowledge and skills in machine learning and big data. This exploration led me to embark on a research project focused on the reduction of high-dimensional data, resulting in the proposal of a hybrid model that was eventually published in an esteemed IEEE journal. Inspired by this achievement and the ever-growing potential of data-driven insights, I am resolute and confident in my desire to continue my academic journey. I am particularly drawn to the field of Big Data Management and Analytics, where I envision honing my skills in handling and deriving valuable insights from vast and complex datasets. Therefore, I am enthusiastic about Thus, I am applying for the master’s degree in "Big Data Management and Analytics," which I believe will be the next pivotal step in realizing my aspirations.

I believe the “Big Data Management and Analytics” is a this program that combines all the topics I am interested in such as Machine Learning, Statistical Learning, Deep Learning, Data Mining, Big Data Management, and Big Data Research Projects. Living in different countries would provide an opportunity for me to experience different approaches to learning other learn new languages and experience new cultures. Moreover, I would like to take part in field trips, attend summer schools, exchange ideas, and companies collaboration, collaborate with companies, and build a network connection with different scholars and professors. and apart from that I would also love to participate in games such as cricket, football, and swimming which have always been my favorite hobbies.

I aim to excel in my future career by focusing on academic growth research in machine learning, big data, and statistical learning. My objective is to publish impactful research that drives me toward a Ph.D., elevates the university and professor profile in research publications, and makes a tangible positive change in my field. leaves behind some yellow flowers of my own. To achieve this, I intend to complete my master's thesis at “Universität Politécnica de Cataluya” (UPC), with a thesis on high-dimensional data reduction or feature selection from big data using machine learning algorithms. The work of Dr. Jamie "Arjona Martinez," with expertise in machine learning, statistics, and data science, aligns perfectly with my research, and I would love to work under his kind supervision.

I take great pride in my year-long lecturing at college. This experience honed my time management, communication, and presentation skills. while offering exposure to international conferences. Alongside my experience in organizing international conferences, competing globally and locally, engaging in debates, and representing department in seminars, I bring a diverse skill set that would greatly benefit the concerned universities.

This My field requires a lot of resources and up-to-date advanced computers, but the university I attend does not have sufficient resources. Therefore, I firmly believe that the Erasmus Mundus Scholarship and the chosen program would be a valuable opportunity that will allow me to enrich my academic, and professional career and will help me achieve my ambition as a data scientist and big data analyst.

[ 1] This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

Thank you for considering my application. your time and consideration

Regards,

Yours faithfully,

Iqbal Hussain.
---------------------
[ 1]: That is repetitive.
[ 2]: Note the correct position for this part:

Losing my father at four, my mother took on the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she's she is now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This adversity, however, steeled ….
Can you please make it all together in a sequence so that I can save it as my final doc? thank you so much for your effort I really appreciate it.
 
Can you please make put it all together in a sequence so that I can save it as my final doc? Thank you so much for your efforts. I really appreciate it.
You might be lucky and find that someone will do that for you but, in my opinion, that's just too much help. How are the people running the Erasmus program supposed to get an honest view of your English skills if you submit a letter that was written entirely by someone else? I believe you should take all the advice and suggestions you've received here and use them to write your own letter, then submit it.
If we write the whole thing, we're no better than those cheating sites that offer to write essays and such like for people.
 
You might be lucky and find that someone will do that for you but, in my opinion, that's just too much help. How are the people running the Erasmus program supposed to get an honest view of your English skills if you submit a letter that was written entirely by someone else? I believe you should take all the advice and suggestions you've received here and use them to write your own letter, then submit it.
If we write the whole thing, we're no better than those cheating sites that offer to write essays and such like for people.
No, actually I didn’t ask to write the whole but I am not sure how to arrange them now as they all are not in a sequence otherwise I’m doing my efforts and I will do probably, secondly I write the 1st by myself and I really thank to him he really help me a lot.
 
Sequence: post#7, then post#12.
Just move that part about losing your father to the first paragraph as follow:
... and I lost my little finger. Moreover, I lost my father at age four, so my mother had the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she is now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This adversity, however, steeled …
 
Sequence: post#7, then post#12.
Just move that part about losing your father to the first paragraph as follow:
... and I lost my little finger. Moreover, I lost my father at age four, so my mother had the responsibility of raising and supporting me. While she is now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This adversity, however, steeled …
Losing my father at four, my mother was responsible for raising and supporting me. While she is now aged and unable to provide financial assistance, her encouragement remains unwavering. This program further fortifies my resilience, focus, and dedication. Throughout my education, I've displayed unwavering enthusiasm, diligence, and consistency, and I am even likely to be more hardworking and consistent during this program.

I guess this should be the end part because this is what I am asking them, like why I am applying the reason is my mom cannot support me financially so that is why I am applying for this scholarship.

Anyway, Lots of respect and a bundle of thanks for your precious time.
 
Losing my father at four, my mother was responsible for raising and supporting me.
This implies that your mother (or father) was four years of age when your father died! I don't understand why you've changed the phrasing.
am applying the reason is my mom cannot support me financially so that is why I am applying for this scholarship.
If you were asked to, or if you feel you need to, write about that, then you must do so more clearly, and perhaps even dedicate a whole paragraph for it.
 
This implies that your mother (or father) was four years of age when your father died! I don't understand why you've changed the phrasing.

If you were asked to, or if you feel you need to, write about that, then you must do so more clearly, and perhaps even dedicate a whole paragraph for it.
Actually in this paragraph I want to show them that my mother cannot support me financially and want to end the letter by that, can you please write something like this where you can mention that I was four years old when I lost my father…… to show them why I am applying and then end the letter by that.
 
You need something like "When I was four, my father passed away, after which my mother could not support me financially."
 
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