Mark had a turbulent upbringing (story)

[Silverhand]

Could you teachers and native speakers correct the mistakes in my text?

Mark had a turbulent upbringing. His father James, a factory worker, was abusive and violent towards both Mark and his mother. The young Mark's shyness and impeccable work in school got him labeled as a "teacher's pet" and targeted as a subject for bullying. James did not appreciate having a bullied son and roared at him to use violence in dealing with the bullies. Due to his mother's calm demeanor, influence and disgust towards men who worked in common manual labor, Mark was determined not to become like his father and directed all his efforts into his education, regularly scoring top marks. He became a brilliant and accomplished nuclear physicist and mechanical engineer. Soon after being hired by Lockheed, Mark designed and assembled a set of highly advanced mechanical arms controlled via a brain–computer interface to assist him with his research into atomic physics. The tentacle-like appendages were impervious to heat and electromagnetic radiation, while being capable of great strength and highly precise movement. These were attached to his body with a stainless steel harness. The device launched into the market with a starting cost of 10 million dollars due to its innumerable applications.

 

[slevlife]

Mark had a turbulent upbringing. His father, James, a factory worker, was abusive and violent towards both Mark and his mother. The young Mark's shyness and impeccable work in school got him labeled as a "teacher's pet" and targeted as a subject for bullying. James did not appreciate having a bullied son and roared at him to use violence in dealing with the bullies.¶

Due to his mother's calm demeanor, influence and disgust towards men who worked in [STRIKE]common[/STRIKE] manual labor, Mark was determined not to become like his father and directed all his efforts into his education, regularly scoring top marks. [Would benefit from something to connect these statements, e.g., "This paid off as..." or "He later became...".] He became a brilliant and accomplished nuclear physicist and mechanical engineer.¶

[The timeline for this jump is hard to follow.] Soon after being hired by Lockheed, Mark designed and assembled a set of highly advanced mechanical arms controlled via a brain-computer (hyphen, not en-dash) interface to assist him with his research into atomic physics. The tentacle-like appendages were impervious to heat and electromagnetic radiation, while being capable of great strength and highly precise movement. These were attached to his body with a stainless steel harness. The device launched [STRIKE]into the market[/STRIKE] with a starting cost of 10 million dollars due to its innumerable [needs more justification (e.g., another adjective like high-value or industrial), since innumerable doesn't explain the cost on its own] applications.

It's all quite fluent-sounding. Two issues are (1) the lack of paragraphs, and (2) it would benefit from improved connections between both sentences and narrative events.

I've proposed some paragraph placements above (other choices are possible). I've also made a few minor changes and embedded some suggestions.

 

[Silverhand]

It's all quite fluent-sounding. The only major issue is the lack of paragraphs. I've proposed some above (other placement choices are possible), along with a few punctuation changes and other suggestions.

I didn't expect such a prompt response. Thank you so much for your suggestions and corrections. I was also wondering whether I need a hyphen in stainless steel.
Do you mind if I ask what variant of English you speak?

 

[slevlife]

American English.

I was also wondering whether I need a hyphen in stainless steel.

I would skip it.

 

[Tarheel]

In some parts there are rather jarring shifts from one thing to another.

Everything should be connected. Each sentence should follow the previous one and precede the next one.

 

[tedmc]

A good story should flow; yours doesn't.