My friend who's standing by me has her suitcase in the trunk and I ask her: Should

[B45]

My friend who's standing by me has her suitcase in the trunk and I ask her:

Should I take/grab that?

Are both useable?

 

[Raymott]

I'd say, "Can I take that for you?" I wouldn't use 'grab', but others might.

 

[emsr2d2]

I find "Should" quite unnatural there. I would say "Shall I get that?" or "Do you want me to get that?" Having said that, I can't quite understand why she's not getting her own case out of the boot (trunk) of the car.

 

[MikeNewYork]

Chivalry?

 

[emsr2d2]

Yeah, probably. Sigh.

 

[B45]

I'd say, "Can I take that for you?" I wouldn't use 'grab', but others might.

Because her suitcase is very big and heavy and I'm a guy, so I feel like I should carry it for her.

 

[Polyester]

This is my first time to hear that " Should I grab that?"
I think it is impolite.

 

[Rover_KE]

It's not impolite. It's a colloquialism.

 

[emsr2d2]

Because her suitcase is very big and heavy and I'm a guy, so I feel like I should carry it for her.

Bear in mind that these days, many women will feel insulted/offended if a man assumes she can't carry her own suitcase. She packed it. She made it heavy. If she can't carry it, she shouldn't have brought it!

 

[Roman55]

I am not a teacher.

Aren't there still women who would feel insulted/offended if a man doesn't even offer to help?

 

[emsr2d2]

Probably. I know more capable, independent women though.

 

[Raymott]

Aren't there still women who would feel insulted/offended if a man doesn't even offer to help?

Yes, therein lies a dilemma for modern man. Naturally it applies to far more things than carrying suitcases.
In any case [sic], there might be two cases and the woman has already picked up one. You could make the same offer to another man, or a handicapped person - though the latter could cause similar offense.

 

[emsr2d2]

That's where the offense/insult usually arises. I have no problem with a man holding a door open for me as long as I know for certain that he also holds doors open for other men, children, elderly people, disabled people etc. I would also be happy to know that that man would be perfectly happy to open a door that I hold open for him too.

 

[Raymott]

I have no problem with a man holding a door open for me as long as I know for certain that he also holds doors open for other men, children, elderly people, disabled people etc.

But do you see the incredible pressure this puts on a man? Before he opens a door for you, he must know whether you know whether he does it for others as well.

 

[emsr2d2]

Honestly, I don't really care about that pressure. It's based on an outdated idea of chivalry. As far as I'm concerned, we should all assume that everyone else is capable of opening doors, carrying luggage etc. I am constantly staggered by how many men still look surprised/embarrassed when a woman holds a door open for them. That's the part I really don't get.

 

[Raymott]

Well, I wasn't asking whether you care or not - that's entirely your choice. I was asking about whether you could understand the absurdity of the proposition you put in #13.

PS: Actually, I can see that it wasn't a general proposition; it was just how one person reacts. I still can't imagine how it could be put into practice. For me, I tend to stay away from doors when women are present.

 

[emsr2d2]

I don't find my proposition absurd even though I can understand what you mean. I hope, one day, I can be confident in the knowledge that everyone, regardless of sex, just tries to help other people (whether it's doors or luggage or anything else), regardless of sex.

 

[MikeNewYork]

I was taught to be polite to everyone. I hold doors open for just about anybody. I help the elderly of either gender to cross the street if they appear to need help. But I have only been criticized for this behavior by middle-aged women. In my opinion, that is a sign of insecurity and that is their problem, not mine,

 

[tzfujimino]

I was taught to be polite to everyone. I hold doors open for just about anybody. I help the elderly of either gender to cross the street if they appear to need help.

Me, too.:-D:up:

 

[Barb_D]

Offended? No. Grateful? Sure. Travel is fatiguing. Feel free to take my suitcase. But I won't be offended if you don't.