[Essay] Please check my 2 mini essay

[Rina2704]

At my age self-improvement is a very important part of my life. So to visit your country and especially to learn in your University will give me a huge plus to the development of my personality and my career. Because in terms of personality I can see a very different country and culture from which I learn something and I hope that my thinking horizons expanded and my dreams of travel will be closer. In terms of career I would like to study the economy of your country and how it affects on culture and traditions and how does your country cope with the global crisis. And also explore your accounting system which distributes funds for beautiful architecture and infrastructure projects and the development of the city and the country at all.


I have excellent communication and organizational skills since I am the head of the accounting group in my university for 3 years. I like to learn languages. Now I am learning Chinese and I want to learn another one. But I don't decision yet. I study Chinese at the university course. I was lucky enough to go to Turkey twice and I can a little bit understand their language because Turkish is similar to my native Kazakh language. In China, I went to summer school to learn Chinese for free within a month. These two trips gave me the opportunity to experience other cultures and learn to live independently in another country.

 

[Tarheel]

Let's look at the second brief essay.

For the first sentence, try:

I have excellent communication and organizational skills, and I have been the head of the accounting department here at_______ University for the past three years.

 

[Tarheel]

Two things. Trying to read the first one makes me dizzy. I have to go eat breakfast now, but I'll be back.

 

[Tarheel]

Third sentence. Say:

I am currently learning Chinese, and I would like to learn another language.

 

[Tarheel]

Fourth sentence. Say:

But I haven't decided which language I would like to study.

 

[Tarheel]

Fifth sentence. Say:

I study Chinese at university.

And:

I have visited Turkey twice, and I understand the Turkish language a little because it is similar to my native Kazakh language.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

In China, I went to summer school for a month to learn Chinese for free.

 

[Tarheel]

These two trips gave me the opportunity to experience other cultures and learn to live independently in another country.

Say:
The three trips I took (two to Turkey and one to China) gave me the opportunity to experience other cultures and to learn to live independently in another country.

 

[Tarheel]

The first one is too confusing for me to do anything with. I suggest that you rewrite it and post it separately.

 

[emsr2d2]

I suggest that you rewrite it and post it separately.

That is good advice at all times on this forum. One piece of writing per thread please.