Proposal CAE writing task

[alisgh]

Hi!

I'm currently preparing for the CAE and I need someone to give a look at my writings. I would appreciate it if you could revise them and correct any mistakes you might find. Thank you in advance! Here goes a proposal:

Helping with students presentations: a proposal

Introduction

This proposal is intended to identify some of the problems that students have deal with when giving a spoken presentation. The last section details specific measures that could be taken by this university in order to help students to face this kind of challenge.

Educational background

To give a good speech has never been an easy task. Following a survey among college students, nearly 40 percent of them admit to have fear of speaking in public. In addition to this, most universities don’t encourage students to give spoken presentations. As a result, speaking skills are never put into practise and, therefore, never actually gained.

Suggestion

I would suggest to implement a course where students could learn how to speak in front of an audience, providing them with the necessary tools to achieve a good oral presentation. This should include all parts of the process-to create an appropriate structure, to control the timing, to study your own body language. Educators and psychologist also should play an important role, since this kind of abilities are often related with one’s self-confidence.

Recommendations

I understand it is difficult to set up a project of this kind. As an alternative, I would like to make the following recommendations:
-Teachers could get their students involved in small spoken presentations throughout the academic year.
-Meditation lessons to help students control their fears
-Provide a list of tips to take in account before giving a speech

If this recommendations are implemented, students’ final presentations are bounded to be a success.

 

[Lynxear]

Hi!

Introduction

This proposal is intended to identify some of the problems that students have deal with when giving a spoken presentation. The last section details specific measures that could be taken by this university in order to help students to face this kind of challenge.

[STRIKE]Educational background[/STRIKE]

To give a good speech has never been an easy task. Following a survey among college students, nearly 40 percent of them admit to have fear of speaking in public. In addition to this, most universities don’t encourage students to give spoken presentations. As a result, speaking skills are never put into [STRIKE]practise[/STRIKE] practice and, therefore, never actually gained.

[STRIKE]Suggestion[/STRIKE] Proposal

I would suggest [STRIKE]to implement[/STRIKE] the implementation of a course where students could learn how to speak in front of an audience, providing them with the necessary tools to achieve a good oral presentation. This should include all parts of the process-to create an appropriate structure, to control the timing, to study your own body language. Educators [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] as well as a psychologist [STRIKE]also should[/STRIKE] could play an important role, since this kind of [STRIKE]abilities are often related with[/STRIKE] often depends on one’s self-confidence.

Recommendations

I understand it is difficult to set up a project of this kind. As an alternative, I would like to make the following recommendations:
-Teachers could get their students involved in small spoken presentations throughout the academic year.
-Meditation lessons to help students control their fears
-Provide a list of tips to take in account before giving a speech

If this recommendations are implemented, students’ final presentations are bounded to be a success.

I have corrected some things and just highlighted others

First of all, your writing is pretty good. I like your use of complex sentences. Let's discuss your proposal

1. I liked your Introduction, but I don't think your "Education Background" subtitle is the proper name. I am not sure what the title should be but this one is misleading. Normally this type of heading would show the credentials of the author of the proposal.

Actually it would look good as the beginning of your introduction. Something like this:

Introduction

To give a good speech has never been an easy task. Following a survey among college students, nearly 40 percent of them admit to have fear of speaking in public. In addition to this, most universities don’t encourage students to give spoken presentations. As a result, speaking skills are never put into practice and, therefore, never actually learned.

This proposal is intended to identify some of the problems that students have deal with when giving a spoken presentation. The last section details specific measures that could be taken by this university in order to help students to face this kind of challenge.

Here you are defining the problem and then introducing your proposal.

"Practice" is the noun in BE and "practise" is the verb. You need a noun in the preposition phrase.
I believe "learned" is better than "gained".

2. In the proposal section, I suggest that the first sentence ends after "audience". You will note that I have blocked out a large section in brown. I think this should be rewritten. I am leaving that up to you.

Educators as well as a psychologist could play an important role, since this kind of ability often depends on one’s self-confidence.

or
A psychologist could play an important role, since this kind of ability often depends on one’s self-confidence.

I might leave out "educators" in the second sentence as it seems redundant to me.

3. Recommendation section

I understand it is difficult to set up a project of this kind. As an alternative, I would like to make the following recommendations:

I don't like these sentences at all. It is not because of any grammar problems. There are none.

I don't like it because these sentences make your previous proposal very weak. You seem to be giving up on your original proposal when you right like this. These are good recommendations for your proposal, not an alternative. Perhaps you can include them in your rewrite that I think you should do.

4. Then I would end with a "Conclusion" section

If this recommendations are implemented, students’ final presentations are bounded to be a success.

This is a good final sentence but I might suggest fleshing out this section with one or two sentences before this, describing your proposal in slightly different words.

When I went to university we used to have an expression about how to construct a presentation. "Say what your going to say. Say it. Then say what you said." You might find this useful to remember.

I hope this helps you.