!!!late application letter (please check)!!!

[gigi_cheung]

hello,, i have recently summited a late application to universities,, so i need to write an e-mail to inform the admission tutors... i always having troubles writing formal letters/e-mails, because my English is not very good.. can you please check or re-word my letter for me please.... thank you for helping,,, and my draft is below:


Dear Sir,

I feel that I must inform and apologize for my late UCAS application for the course Chemistry with Forensic science. The reason for this delay was because of my immigration to the United States.
I understand that you might be concerned that this is the second time that I apply this university; my application was withdrawn due to family financial issues last year. However this issue has been resolved this year, as I am able to apply FAFSA as a permanent resident in the US
I am hoping that I would still have the opportunity to be considered again under this course because I am enthusiastic about Chemistry and Forensic Science. It is my wish to be able to study at Heriot –Watt University.
I apologize again for this delayed application and any inconvenience this delay had cause.
Thank you for your time in reading this e-mail and I look forward to hear from you soon.

Your sincerely,
Sui Chi Cheung (Gigi)

 

[LHROediting]

Hello Sui Chi Cheung,

I would be happy to help you. I have my own business, LHROediting.com, and editing letters, essays and other documents is my favorite type of work to do!

For the most part, your letter read well, but I changed a few things for clarification and fixed a few errors here and there. I hope I helped.

If you need any other help, feel free to e-mail me.

Thanks,
Lucy Helenna Rodriguez O'Brien
LHRO Editing

-------------------------

Dear Sir,

I feel that I must inform you and apologize for my late UCAS application for the course, Chemistry with Forensic Science. My delay was due to my immigration to the United States.

I understand that you might be concerned that this is the second time applying to this university. My application was withdrawn due to my family's financial issues last year. This issue has been resolved this year, as I am able to apply to the FAFSA as a permanent resident in the U.S.

I am hoping that I would still have the opportunity to be considered to take this course because I am enthusiastic about Chemistry and Forensic Science. It is my wish to study at Heriot–Watt University.

I apologize again for this delayed application and any inconvenience this delay has caused. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
Sui Chi Cheung (Gigi)

 

[gigi_cheung]

thank you so much for time correcting this;]]
it was so helpful and i really appreciate it
thnks