Help correct my coverletter ,Tks

[zhangray]

Dear XXX:
In reference to your advertisement in the web for “Mechanical Engineer-mobile phone”, I am very interested in this position and I believe that I have the qualifications to fit this position.
I have five and half years mechanical design experience and in turn acted as mechanical engineer and mechanical manager in Techfatith,Siemens and Nokia. During this period, I have leaded and participate in lots of projects and have accumulated a wealth of experience in mechanical design, reliable test, CAD tools, mold, material, process, manufacturing, RF, ESD and acoustic. At the same time, I have achieved remarkable progress at problem analysis, project management, team work, communication and reporting. In addition, I like innovation and I have strong learning ability, good execution and responsibility.
I prefer technical type job more, I believe the interest and the appropriate professional character would make me get great success. I also expect join in a well-known and strong team that respects and regards techniques. I am enthusiastic for this and I want to join the team and enjoy together.
Thanks for your patience. If I really have the opportunity to show myself, I believe that it will not let you down.
Yours sincerely
XXX

 

[stajkowski]

Dear XXX:
In reference to your advertisement in the web for “Mechanical Engineer-mobile phone”, I am very interested in this position and I believe that I have the qualifications to fit this position.
I have five and half years mechanical design experience and in turn acted as mechanical engineer and mechanical manager in Techfatith,Siemens and Nokia. During this period, I have leaded and participate in lots of projects and have accumulated a wealth of experience in mechanical design, reliable test, CAD tools, mold, material, process, manufacturing, RF, ESD and acoustic. At the same time, I have achieved remarkable progress at problem analysis, project management, team work, communication and reporting. In addition, I like innovation and I have strong learning ability, good execution and responsibility.
I prefer technical type job more, I believe the interest and the appropriate professional character would make me get great success. I also expect join in a well-known and strong team that respects and regards techniques. I am enthusiastic for this and I want to join the team and enjoy together.
Thanks for your patience. If I really have the opportunity to show myself, I believe that it will not let you down.
Yours sincerely
XXX

It's too long and wordy. Here is the revision, good luck, hope you get the position.

This was submitted on behalf of www.revisemypaper.net

[FONT=&quot]Dear XXX:[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]In reference to your positing for the “Mechanical Engineer-mobile phone” position, I have an active interest in filling this challenging role. I possess over five years mechanical design experience, and acted as a mechanical engineer and mechanical manager for Techfatith, Siemens and Nokia. During this period, I led and participated in numerous projects, accumulating a wealth of experience. I believe my skills in problem analysis, project management, team building, and communication will bring a new set of accomplishments to your company; my innovative ideas combined with a strong work ethic will prove to be an asset.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
Yours Sincerely,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]XXX[/FONT]