Translated poem, thoughts?

[easybreakable]

Hello,

I have translated a poetic piece, a bit metaphorical and difficult from Arabic language to English language.
I would love to hear any thoughts about it and whether it makes any sense...

Is that allowed here or not? May I hear any feedback if I post it?

 

[buggles]

Only one way to find out..................

 

[easybreakable]

what do you mean?

 

[buggles]

Let everyone see it and you'll soon find out if anyone has any views on it.
I, for one, would be interested.

 

[easybreakable]

OK. This is the piece, as I said in the title, your thoughts would enrich me for sure...

"The One Hidden Into My Features."


Tonight,

nostalgia overwhelmed,

thereby went out , forgetting my features,

over

the pillow,

tracking imprints of beloved

once

adorned my city

***

I watch for you

my wait is aging

and the female inside of me

fabricates smiles

for bitterness to come

***

As usual

burrowing through the dreams of yesterday

looking for your face

as it found to be hidden,

into my features.

****

Blanketed in Silence

for fear

of stumbling

over the question

why such dancing sadness

is in the eyes?
​

 

[Raymott]

"The One Hidden In My Features."

Tonight,

nostalgia overwhelmed me.

I therefore went out, forsaking my features

upon

the pillow,

tracking imprints of my beloved who

once

adorned my city.

***

I watch for you

my wait is tiring

and the female inside of me

fabricates smiles

for the bitterness to come.

***

As usual,

burrowing through the dreams of yesterday,

looking for your face

as though it were to be found hidden

in my features,

****

Blanketed in silence

for fear

of stumbling

over the question:

Why is such dancing sadness

in the eyes?​

 

[easybreakable]

What a great help!
Seemingly you grasped the meaning of the poem very well, thank you, I appreciate your help very very much :up: :up: :up:

 

[buggles]

Now you know what I meant in post#2.