Please, would you proofread my poem.

[Bassim]

Please, would you proofread my poem "A GLANCE".

A GLANCE

You glanced at me and your blue eyes sparkled,
Giving me a glimmer of hope,
Which turned into a torrent of tears.

Later, I saw a picture of you in the paper,
You have left this world,
Your glance inside me illuminating my heavy footfalls.

 

[JMurray]

Bassim.
I don't feel competent to critique your work as poetry but because it's been sitting here a while I'll make one comment that might help.

The word "footfall" can imply a number of steps rather than just a single step: "I recognised her footfall on the path outside the house".
So you could just as well use the singular "footfall" in the final line, the heaviness of each step – and to my ear the line finishes on that downbeat a little better without the "s".
Here is a poetic use of footfall that I found online:
"The earth adores her footfall. Its shadows flee before the brilliance of her eyes."

As I said, it's just something that occurred to me when I read your poem.

 

[Bassim]

Dear JMurray,

Thank you for your suggestion. Now I also see that the singular "footfall" is more appropriate than the plural.