gauri_agr
Member
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2010
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Hindi
- Home Country
- India
- Current Location
- United States
hi All,
I just wrote a story and this is the last paragraph of the story which I want to be reviewed. Any help would be great
........................................
Mama realized that the Shiny had a better time than if she wouldn’t have allowed her to organize her room herself. She also observed that the Shiny had a great enthusiasm when trying the thing the way she wanted. She was amazed to see how her friends were engaged better than ever by themselves with a lot of laughter. Mama asked Shiny if she wanted to continue her idea of hanging everything to the ceiling. Shiny was so tired and her hands and neck were so sore that she just hugged her Mama and fell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, she understood that it takes experience to get the things working. For the first time she was happy to follow her Mama’s rule at least for the day.
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Thanks
Gauri
I just wrote a story and this is the last paragraph of the story which I want to be reviewed. Any help would be great
........................................
Mama realized that the Shiny had a better time than if she wouldn’t have allowed her to organize her room herself. She also observed that the Shiny had a great enthusiasm when trying the thing the way she wanted. She was amazed to see how her friends were engaged better than ever by themselves with a lot of laughter. Mama asked Shiny if she wanted to continue her idea of hanging everything to the ceiling. Shiny was so tired and her hands and neck were so sore that she just hugged her Mama and fell asleep. When she woke up in the morning, she understood that it takes experience to get the things working. For the first time she was happy to follow her Mama’s rule at least for the day.
----------------------------------
Thanks
Gauri