Please see my suggested amendments to your piece in red above. Note that each time you used "In result of that", you should have used "As a result". I don't know if "In result of that" is a direct translation from your own language, but it is not natural English.Rio de Janeiro, an amazing place to
youryou are a tourist and want to have a great time near the ocean (this is not a complete sentence). At night you want to meet interesting people in famous night clubs (this is not a complete sentence). In addition, to thatif you also love tourist sspots, there is a city in Brazil inwhich you need to visit. I am referring to Rio de Janeiro.
Rio de Janeiro is a well-known city for a lot of reasons. Firstly, the city
stays directlyfaces tothe ocean. In result to thatAs a result, Rio ownshas the reputation of having the best beaches through outin the world. Secondly, the women are considered to be very beautiful and kind onin this amazing city.
Despite the fact that Rio de Janeiro has a lot of qualities that
normallytourists usually like, the city does not have a huge number ofas many tourists as it should. have.There are indeed many reasons for thatthis. to happen. The biggest justification among all the problemsThe main problem is the number of slums. The city has the biggest amountlargest number of shantytowns in the world. As a result, lots of tourists are afraid of coming to Rio.
Although the problems are big, the government is already sorting the situation out.
In result to thatAs a result, tourism is increasing and creating more jobs for local people, inwhich helps the city to grow th.
As a consequence
forof the growth in tourism, growththe city might getsuffer some collateral effects. Two of thisthe problems that might be aresult offrom the increasing lynumber of tourists are thepollution and an increase in robberies. NeverthelessAlso, thetraffic would increase, making the city unsustainable.
for those who haveas anyone who has already visited Rio knows, it is not hard to fall in love with the city. There are a lot of things to do, places to visit and people to meet. Beaches in this wonderful place are amazing and are a good place to relax. In result to thatConsequently, the city is an amazing place to travelvisit.
Choose one of the following writing tasks. Your answer should follow exactly the instructions given.
Write approximately 250 words.
TOURISM – IS IT GOOD OR BAD FOR YOUR REGION?
Do you think there should be more or less tourism in your region?
What benefits does the tourist industry bring to your region?
What would be the disadvantages of increased tourism?
Write and tell us your views.
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