[Grammar] Cover Letter Sentence Grammar doubts

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Mattello

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Hey Guys,

I have completed my cover letter for a company I am very interested in, however there is this one sentence that is giving me doubts. I would appreciate any help. Thanks

"Two years before graduating from the University of British Columbia in Computer Engineering, I started working concurrently for RMV Motion as a software developer."
 
Hey Guys,

I have completed my cover letter for a company I am very interested in, however there is this one sentence that is giving me doubts. I would appreciate any help. Thanks

"Two years before graduating in Computer Engineering from the University of British Columbia, I started working for RMV Motion as a software developer."

Bhai.
 
For some reason the a word was left out of my copy and paste...

"Two years before graduating from the University of British Columbia in Computer Engineering, I started working concurrently for RMV Motion as a software developer".

I do not know if the adverb concurrently is being used correctly. Would appreciate feedback
 
For some reason the a word was left out of my copy and paste...

"Two years before graduating from the University of British Columbia in Computer Engineering, I started working concurrently for RMV Motion as a software developer".

I do not know if the adverb concurrently is being used correctly. Would appreciate feedback

I believe that removal was Bhai's correction. I think the deletion changed your intended meaning. I have no problem with that adverb. It means that your work with RMV was at the same time you were in school.
 
Oh ok, the purpose of that sentence is to let them know that I was studying and working at the same time, Thanks for the reply.
 
I believe that removal was Bhai's correction. I think the deletion changed your intended meaning. I have no problem with that adverb. It means that your work with RMV was at the same time you were in school.

I think the "Two years before graduating..." says that, making "concurrently" unnecessary. With it, it is over wordy IMO.
 
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Thank you for both your inputs, as it is a cover letter and the hiring manager will probably just give it a very quick glance before deciding to send it to the technical lead, I will keep the adverb at the risk of repetition, thank you both for your inputs I feel much more comfortable about my letter.
 
I think the "Two years before graduating..." says that, making "concurrently" unneccessary. With it, it is over wordy IMO.

But without it, it is possible that he quit school for a period of time to go to work. I think he wants them to know that he worked while he went to school.
 
Thank you for both your inputs, as it is a cover letter and the hiring manager will probably just give it a very quick glance before deciding to send it to the technical lead, I will keep the adverb at the risk of repetition, thank you both for your inputs I feel much more comfortable about my letter.

One never knows what will impress the reader. Good luck!
 
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