[Essay] Can you correct my essay?

[PredaAndrei]

Ursica is my dog.It’s a dog whit golden fur and very big.Last winter was the first winter of his life.The first time when it saw snowflakes it fret , it frolic like a happy kid.
After the snow was deposited on the ground , Ursica go in the most deep snow , and after he came out you say it was like a snow-dog.
When I comes out Ursica was jumped immediately on me , put me down in the snow and it don’t let me to go.
I love my dog very much!

Can you correct that? Thanks

 

[charliedeut]

I have two questions:

1) Is this homework? If so, please submit it to your teacher and come back with any questions or doubt you may have about the corrections s/he made.
2) Are you really a Retired Academic? If so, please forgive me and ignore this question altogether.

 

[PredaAndrei]

Isn't my homework and no , i'm not a retired academic :d That essay i did it alone because i want to improve my english and i want to see my mistakes

 

[charliedeut]

It [STRIKE]I[/STRIKE] isn't my homework and no[no space], I'm not a retired academic :d That essay I did it alone because I want to improve my English and I want to see my mistakes

OK then, I highlighted some for you there.

Next post will see through the passage.

 

[PredaAndrei]

OK then, I highlighted some for you there.

Next post will see through the passage.

And my essay?can you correct it?

 

[charliedeut]

Ursica is my dog.[space] It’s a dog whit golden fur and very big. [I would say: "It's (or he's) very big and has golden fur"]
Last winter was the first winter of his life. I believe "... the first one of his life." would be better.
The first time [STRIKE]when [/STRIKE] ["that" or no relative] [STRIKE]it [/STRIKE] he saw snowflakes [STRIKE]it [/STRIKE] he fretted [STRIKE], it[/STRIKE] and frolicked like a happy kid.

Give me a second to check the rest.

 

[PredaAndrei]

Give me a second to check the rest.

Ok

 

[charliedeut]

After the snow was [STRIKE]deposited[/STRIKE] settled on the ground[in my opinion, this is unnecessary][no space], Ursica went (to play, for example) [STRIKE]go[/STRIKE] in the [STRIKE]most[/STRIKE] (deep) snow[no space], and after he came [STRIKE]out[/STRIKE] back you [STRIKE]say[/STRIKE] have said [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] he was [STRIKE]like[/STRIKE]a snow-dog.

When I come[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] out Ursica [STRIKE]was jumped[/STRIKE] always/usually jumps immediately on me[no space], puts me down in the snow and [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] ["he" or no subject, as we are still speaking of Ursica] won’t let me [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] go.
I love my dog very much!

There you go. Maybe native speakers/teachers can helps us both polish it.

 

[PredaAndrei]

There you go. Maybe native speakers/teachers can helps us both polish it.

Thank you and I must to be more carefully next time...(many mistakes) Thank you again

 

[PeterValk]

After the snow had settled on the ground, Ursica dived into the deepest snow and after he came back out you might have thought he was a snow dog.
When I come out Ursica immediately jumps up to me, pushes me down into the snow and won’t let me go.
I love my dog very much!

A bit more concise.
(and now we all wait for the experts to make their appearance)