[General] Composition and grammar

[rossalicia]

My regards!

This is my first post and I need help with composition and grammar.
I am translating a book from Spanish into English and it is written in a poetic and very advanced Spanish level.

I need help with the following paragraphs:

"And as soon as he thought this, Thimetis said with great spontaneity and as if she followed her memories:
-Alpha Huari had a terrible end because of coveting his elder brother's rights. I do not know if you know this, prince Fredek de Port Ofir."
The aforesaid looked at her aghast and, under the pretext of having an appointment with the Pharaoh, he bade farewell quickly to the princess of Egypt.
And there came the solemn presentation of Thimetis as heiress to the throne. It was noon of a lush spring full of flowers, birds singing, of all the joy and beauty we can have on this earth."

Thank you.

 

[Lilian Gentile]

Re.: Origins of Adamic Civilization

Hi, Rossalicia, I liked your wording register very much. I understand it is part of the book titled "Origins of Adamic Civilization", by Josefa Rosalía de Luque Álvarez. The only thing I would say is that it would be good to write the names of places and people in English, such as "Fredek of Port Ophir".

I am working with another work by the same author. Guess we could get in touch and share bibliography. I have downloaded a couple of very nice books to check names and places.

Hope we can talk!
Lilian