[General] please help me in my formal email to university

[Kirollos Sameh]

I need to write an e-mail to German universities asking the entry requirements for international students, I wrote this but I don't know if I should correct some things. I'd really appreciate any help with this. This is the e-mail:



Dear Dr. Chrisitina
My name is Kirollos Sameh. I am very interested in your undergraduate program “sports and sports science” and I am anxious to apply for it in your renowned university, Aiming to earn a B.SC. degree from an international university and I want to study at Heidelberg University because of your outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience and your excellent facilities. And my desire is to continue my studies and enter the Master's program “sports and exercise during childhood and adolescence”. I strongly believe that completing this degree would be a great step forward in my career and would also help me grow as an individual. I am passionately interested in sports, physical activities and their effect.

I am from Egypt and I am currently a 4[SUP]th[/SUP] year student at faculty of pharmacy of Helwan University and In June 2016 I will graduate with a bachelor of pharmacy degree with an expected average score above 80 percent.

First, I would be grateful if you could indicate the entry requirements for Egyptian students and how to join your university? And what kind of courses are they? As for me
Second, I would greatly appreciate some information about the German and English language requirements, knowing that I started to study German language at ÄDK (Ägyptisch-Deutsches kultur zentrum)

For all this, if I am finally given the chance of studying at this University, I will make my best in order to complete the said Master degree as successfully as possible
Thank you for taking the time to read this, I look forward to your reply.
.
Yours faithfully,
Kirollos Sameh.

 

[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

If it's a German university, why aren't you writing to them in German? You said in your letter that you have studied German. This would be a great opportunity to show them how good your German is.

 

[Tarheel]

You need to write shorter sentences. You need to end each sentence with a period (full stop), not a comma.

 

[Tarheel]

Dear Dr. Chrisitina
My name is Kirollos Sameh. I am very interested in your undergraduate program “sports and sports science” and I am anxious to apply for it in your renowned university, and I want to study at Heidelberg University because of your outstanding educational system, focus on gathering relevant work experience and your excellent facilities.

What do you think?

 

[Kirollos Sameh]

i can't make it all in German as i started for a small time so i am beginner

 

[Tarheel]

i can't make it all in German as i started for a small time so i am beginner

I am guessing that what you mean by that is that you haven't studied German for very long and that your German vocabulary isn't very large.

As for the letter, I suggest that you look it over and you should find some things that don't belong (well, at least one thing). Mostly, however, it is written quite well.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

I will do my best
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Not:

I wil make my best


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