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    #1

    A young man

    Please help me to correct my article if there are any grammatical mistakes. Thank you.

    Short Plot
    A young man and a practical student travel to four states to find rare helmets that his deceased friend wishes for. During the journey, they fall for each other, but it is impeded due to an event.

    Long Plot
    James, owner of a film editing company travels to four states to fulfil his friendís wish that has passed away. His friend yearns to own four types of helmets that are rare and precious, and motorcyclist enthusiasts are crazy about them. Travelling with him is Shika, a practical student at his office who is on the quest to find the helmets, too. They develop a relationship, but it is impeded due to an event that Shika has secretly keeps.

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    #2

    Re: A young man

    A young man and a female practical student travel to four states to find rare helmets that his the former's deceased friend wishes for wished to get. During the journey, they fall for each other, but it is impeded due to an event their romance meets with obstacles.
    I am not a teacher.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: A young man

    I have no idea why tedmc felt the need to add "female". It's not necessary to specific the sex of any character in a synopsis.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #4

    Re: A young man

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    A young man and a female practical student travel to four states to find rare helmets that his the former's deceased friend wishes for wished to get. During the journey, they fall for each other, but it is impeded due to an event their romance meets with obstacles.
    I understand the reason why the word”female” added in your correction. Therefore I have re-written this, please take a look.

    James and Shika travel to four states to fulfill his dead friend’s wish; to search and gather four rare helmets. During the journey, they fall for each other, but their romance meets with obstacles.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: A young man

    They travei to four states to fulfill his dead friend's wish to acquire four rare helmets.

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    #6

    Re: A young man

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    They travei to four states to fulfill his dead friend's wish to acquire four rare helmets.
    That sounds good to me. Thanks for your feedback. How about the Long plot?

    Short Plot
    James and Shika travel to four states to fulfill his dead friend’s wish to acquire four rare helmets. During the journey, they fall for each other, but their romance meets with obstacles.

    Long Plot
    James, owner of a film editing company travels to four states to fulfil his friend’s wish that has passed away. His friend yearns to own four types of helmets that are rare and precious, and beloved by many bikers. Travelling with him is Shika, a practical student in his company joins him in the search. Throughout the voyage, they develop a relationship, but their romance meets with obstacles that Shika has secretly keeps.

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    #7

    Re: A young man

    Yes, there is an ambiguity in the second part of the sentence if the gender is not stated in the first part:

    A young man and a practical student
    (gender unknown) travel to four states to find rare helmets that his (the ambiguity lies here) deceased friend wishes for.
    I am not a teacher.

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    #8

    Re: A young man

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Yes, there is an ambiguity in the second part of the sentence if the gender is not stated in the first part:

    A young man and a practical student
    (gender unknown) travel to four states to find rare helmets that his (the ambiguity lies here) deceased friend wishes for.
    Understood, sir, as a result I suggested to put the name, what do you say?

    James and Shika travel to four states to fulfill his dead friend’s wish to acquire four rare helmets. During the journey, they fall for each other, but their romance meets with obstacles

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: A young man

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    Yes, there is an ambiguity in the second part of the sentence if the gender is not stated in the first part:

    I don't see the ambiguity. Two people fall for each other during the journey. Does it matter to the synopsis if those people are a man and a woman, two men, or two women?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #10

    Re: A young man

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I don't see the ambiguity. Two people fall for each other during the journey. Does it matter to the synopsis if those people are a man and a woman, two men, or two women?
    The "falling for each other" came later in the third part. While reading the second part, you wouldn't have a clue who "his" referred to (the young man or the practical student). I think "whose deceased friend" matters.
    I am not a teacher.

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