[Grammar] Request of Consideration for School Admission [Pls help check the letter, many tks]

[raccoonmy]

Dear Mr Donaldson (Principal) and the Admissions Team,

Thank you for the preparatory assessment arranged to our son, Kyle Duncan, on January 9, 2016 (10:00am). We are putting forward this letter as request of consideration of Kyle’s application for admission to your esteemed school. After a lot of research and visits to the school, we believe SAC is the ideal place for Kyle to start.

It is our plan that Kyle will receive his tertiary education in Canada like many of our family members did. SAC offers an Alberta curriculum and a learning environment with very caring and professional teachers that would well prepare Kyle for studying abroad. Having said that, SAC offers a high quality French language programme and as ethnic French, we certainly would want Kyle to have a good grasp of the language.

Kyle is a sweet and social boy who is loved by his teachers and classmates. Unfortunately, the school he is attending is unable to produce the student reference form by policy. Comments we received from his previous and current teachers are always positive, all of them agreed Kyle is smart, independent and curious about learning. Kyle is good at communicating and good with languages. His French teacher praised his French level is no difference to students who learned the language 1 year ahead of him after 2 months of school. Kyle loves story and word game, his interest allows him to build rich and varied vocabulary. Apart from schooling, Kyle enjoys playing piano, swimming and ice-skating. In coming August, he will have his first public performance.

We want to give Kyle an education he deserves. We are confident that by attending SAC, the holistic education and academic rigor will well equip him with the skills necessary to face the life’s challenges and succeed in life beyond the school. CAIS is the school of our choice. We truly hope that our application will be successful and Kyle can become a member of the SAC community.

Again, we appreciate your valuable time in reviewing and considering Kyle’s application and thank you for giving us the great experience during the preparatory assessment.

 

[teechar]

Dear Principal Donaldson [STRIKE](Principal)[/STRIKE] and [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] Admissions Team,

Thank you for the preparatory assessment arranged [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] for our son, Kyle Duncan, on January 9, 2016 (10:00am). [STRIKE]We are putting forward this letter as request of consideration of Kyle’s application for admission[/STRIKE] We are writing to apply for Kyle to be admitted to your esteemed school. After a lot of research and visits to the school, we believe SAC is the ideal place for Kyle to start.

[STRIKE]It is our[/STRIKE] We plan [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] for Kyle [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] to receive his tertiary education in Canada like many of our family members did. SAC offers an Alberta curriculum and a learning environment with very caring and professional teachers that would well prepare Kyle for studying abroad. [STRIKE]Having said that,[/STRIKE] Moreover, SAC offers a high-quality French language programme and as ethnic French, we certainly would want Kyle to have a good grasp of the language.

Kyle is a sweet and social boy who is loved by his teachers and classmates. Unfortunately, the school he is attending [STRIKE]is unable to produce the[/STRIKE] cannot provide a student reference [STRIKE]form by[/STRIKE] because of their policy. Nonetheless, comments we received from his previous and current teachers [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] have always been positive, [STRIKE]all of them agreed[/STRIKE] and they all agree that Kyle is smart, independent and curious about learning. Kyle is good at communicating and good with languages. His French teacher praises his skills in French, and informs us that his level is up to standard. [STRIKE]no difference to students who learned the language 1 year ahead of him after 2 months of school.[/STRIKE] Kyle loves story and word games, and this interest has allowed him to build a rich and varied vocabulary. [STRIKE]Apart from schooling,[/STRIKE] Outside school, Kyle enjoys playing the piano, swimming and ice-skating. [STRIKE]In coming[/STRIKE] This August, he will have his first public performance.

We want to give Kyle [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] the education he deserves. We are confident [STRIKE]that by attending SAC,[/STRIKE] the holistic education and academic rigor at SAC will well equip him with the skills necessary to face [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] life’s challenges and succeed in life beyond [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] school. Thus, CAIS is the school of our choice. We truly hope that our application will be successful and Kyle can become a member of the SAC student body. [STRIKE]community.[/STRIKE]

Again, we appreciate your valuable time in reviewing and considering Kyle’s application and thank you for kind consideration.[STRIKE]giving us the great experience during the preparatory assessment.[/STRIKE]

Marie and Claude Duncan,
Parents of Kyle Duncan.

I don't know what CAIS means. I presume you meant to write "SAC" instead.

 

[raccoonmy]

Thanks so much, it sounds smooth!

Would like to add the following in paragraph 2, please help to review!!!

"Religious education has never been more important, it is undeniably beneficial to a child’s morals and academic achievement. We trust it will help shape Kyle into a better person with clean conscience, able to care for others and grow up to be a desirable citizen."

 

[teechar]

Religious education has never been more important. It is undeniably beneficial to a child’s morals and academic achievement. We trust it will help shape Kyle into a [STRIKE]better[/STRIKE] person with a clean conscience and the [STRIKE]able[/STRIKE] ability to care for others, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] as well as to grow up to be a [STRIKE]desirable[/STRIKE] responsible citizen."

.