Kindly review and edit my SOP ....thanks

[dcknows]

I would like to introduce myself as Mr....... My undergraduate study in the Department of Mechanical
Engineering at the (college name), University name, city, India has exposed me to a stimulating academic environment where learning
and research go hand-in-hand. Through the many opportunities I have had here, I have found a deep interest in
research work and a strong aptitude for the type of problem solving and problem discovery that it involves. I
have, therefore decided to pursue active research in the broad field of Manufacturing as a career. My minor
project work, my practical training and my courses have given me plenty of exposure to these areas and I strongly
believe that I have sufficient motivation and aptitude to work in this field.
I have good academics at every step in my education. I secured 1st division in the All India Secondary School
Examination, 2010. Currently, I am 8th out of 120 students in the stream Mechanical & Automation Engineering
of college name.
I have always adopted a rigorous approach in order to attain an in-depth understanding of the subject at hand.
This has given me a broad conceptual basis, which, I believe, is essential for my research career. My grades in the
basic courses reflect my quest for fundamentals. My overall grades in my undergraduate studies have been good,
but not excellent. This again reflects my approach to courses more as an introduction to concepts that need
further independent study by the student, rather than as a run-up to a semester-end examination. My areas of
specialization include Production Technology, Manufacturing Machines, CAD/CAM, Automotive Engineering,
Material Science and Metallurgy, Metrology and Engineering Mathematics.
My visit to the Italy in September 2015, regarding participation in FSAE ITALY 2015 Competition not only
enhanced my technical skills but also gave me the relevant exposure to successfully work with people from
different cultures, nationalities and languages. My summer training at Bharat Electronics Limited during summer
2015, has giving me tremendous hand-on exposure of manufacturing processes. I am fully aware of the
commitment and perseverance required and believes that my aptitude and motivation will see me through the
challenge. I am also confident that given an opportunity, I can contribute to the ongoing work in your graduate
program in a productive manner.
During my graduation I carried out my 3rd year project on "Design and Simulation of Suspension and Steering
System for a FSAE Car”. The suspension and steering geometries were simulated on software’s like SUSPROG 3D
and ADAMS. The part designs of hubs, spindle, uprights and wishbones was done on SOLID WORKS and FEA of
the same was performed at ANSYS. Manufacturing of fixtures for chassis, engine mounts and suspension required
a great deal of accuracy with precision. As a fabricator, I performed all these crucial tasks. This project required
extensive research in terms of establishing an experimental setup with great exposure. Currently, I am working
on my major project thesis and its publication titled “ENGINE TUNING OF HONDA CBR 600RR USING PE3
PERFORMANCE ELECTRONICS ECU & RICARDO WAVE SOFTWARE” under the guidance of Prof. name,
college name.
I would like to pursue my further studies in Germany to expand my ken. I have chosen your institution in order to
pursue my graduate studies because of the distinguished faculty and excellent infrastructural facilities in your
University make its graduate program ideally suited to my academic goals. My B.Tech trainer, Prof. name
also strongly recommended it. An added attraction is its participation in various Formula SAE events and the well known
FSAE team name.
I feel that graduate study at your university will be the most logical extensions of my objectives. I would like to
work closely with Prof. name as my mentor because his vast experience and research work in
the field of Numerical Simulation and Material Modelling could enhance my skills developed through courses and
projects done in the same field. I would like to end by saying that I am fully aware that a career in Research and
academics requires a high level of intelligence, unwavering dedication and a lot of sacrifice. I am confident that I
would meet all the above demands and would try to be an asset to your renowned Technical University and
hence I appeal to the Graduate Admissions Committee to consider me for admission.

 

[Tarheel]

I suggest:

I have discovered a deep interest in research work.

OR

I have developed a deep interest in research work.

(There is something wrong with the format. I don't know how you did that.)

 

[teechar]

I agree with Tarheel about the odd format. Also, there's a lot of waffle there!
Simplify it and stick to the facts. Start by introducing yourself. Are you a student, an engineer, or what?

 

[Tarheel]

I don't think problem discovery is a real thing.

The word "manufacturing" is not a proper noun.

You don't, I think, need to call it "active" research.

(Feel free to disagree.)

 

[emsr2d2]

That's a huge block of text to present. Please click on "Edit Post" and put in some paragraph breaks (empty lines between paragraphs), then click Save.

 

[Tarheel]

A good example of how not to write an SOP.