[General] Starting a family involves making a serious commitment.

[ambitious-girl]

Does this paragraph has coherence and cohesion?

Starting a family involves making a serious commitment. As parents, you are faced with the dilemma of choosing between work and family commitments. You also have to devote a great amount of time, effort and energy to children, ones who actually need a constant control and supervision.

 

[teechar]

Starting a family involves making a serious commitment. As parents, you are faced with [STRIKE]the dilemma of choosing between[/STRIKE] balancing work and family commitments. You also have to devote a great amount of time, effort and energy to your children, [STRIKE]ones[/STRIKE] who actually need constant [STRIKE]control[/STRIKE] guidance and supervision.

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[Tarheel]

I would delete "actually" as it is unnecessary.