her youth slipping

[alpacinou]

Hello.

I want to say someone feels like their youth is fading. Can I use the verb "slip"?

What do you think about this sentence I have written? Is it correct and natural?

In the mirror, she caught a glimpse of a few strands of silver hair at her temple. This was the first time she felt her youth was slipping.

 

[emsr2d2]

"slipping away".

I'd expect "temples" unless she really did only spot silver hairs on one temple.

 

[alpacinou]

Is this a good sentence?

In the mirror, she caught a glimpse of a few strands of silver hair at her temples. This was the first time she felt her youth was slipping away.

 

[Tarheel]

OK, but I would omit was.

 

[alpacinou]

OK, but I would omit was.

Do you have suggestions as to how I can turn it from merely OK to a good sentence?

 

[Tarheel]

It's not bad, but I'll make a suggestion. Try:

Looking into the mirror, looking at that face looking back at her, she felt her youth slipping away.

 

[tedmc]

I would replace "caught a glimpse of" with "noticed".

 

[emsr2d2]

I would replace "caught a glimpse of" with "noticed".

Why?

 

[tedmc]

Why?

A glimpse is a quick glance. Why should it be a glimpse if was something that warranted her attention?

 

[emsr2d2]

And one's first grey/silver hairs tend to hide amongst the rest of one's hair so just catching a glimpse of one here and there is quite common.