Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Last
Results 1 to 10 of 22
  1. #1
    Silverobama is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,937

    When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Hi.

    I was trying to narattive something happened to me when I was young, which was quite impressive.

    When I was young, I often met a couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by what they were doing because I like English very much. I swore to myself, I would speak English like them one day.
    Would you please rewrite my narrative to make it natural and like a story which I could use to share others with one day?

  2. #2
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is online now VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,731

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverobama View Post
    Hi.

    I was trying to narrate something that happened to me when I was young, which was quite impressive.



    Would you please rewrite my narrative to make it natural and like a story which I could use to share with others one day?
    I don't see it.
    Last edited by Tarheel; 12-Sep-2020 at 08:29.
    Not a professional teacher

  3. #3
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is online now VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,731

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Perhaps:

    When I was young I often saw a couple that lived in the same apartment complex I did. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed with that because I like English very much. I swore to myself that I would speak English like them one day.
    Not a professional teacher

  4. #4
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    11,277

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    I would use "I vowed" instead of "I swore to myself". Were they native English speakers?

  5. #5
    Silverobama is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,937

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    I would use "I vowed" instead of "I swore to myself". Were they native English speakers?
    It's very kind of you, teechar.

    They are not native speakers but Chinese. That's why I was impressed by them. I wonder if I need change the rest of my sentences.

    When I was young, I often met a couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by what they were doing because I like English very much. I vowed, I would speak English like them one day.
    Or your suggestion is based on the version of Tarheel, which is a good one?
    When I was young I often saw a couple that lived in the same apartment complex I did. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed with that because I like English very much. I vowed that I would speak English like them one day.

  6. #6
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    11,277

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Take out "by what they were doing" from the first, and consider using "local couple" to clarify the meaning. The second is okay, but I would use "who" instead of "that" in it.

  7. #7
    Silverobama is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,937

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    Take out "by what they were doing" from the first, and consider using "local couple" to clarify the meaning.
    When I was young, I often met a couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by the local couple because I like English very much. I vowed, I would speak English like them one day.
    Is this better?

  8. #8
    Tarheel's Avatar
    Tarheel is online now VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Posts
    22,731

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Two things. One, where are you getting those extra commas from? Two, despite teechar's suggestion, you don't need to mention that they were a local couple. They lived where you did.
    Not a professional teacher

  9. #9
    teechar's Avatar
    teechar is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    11,277

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by Silverobama View Post
    Is this better?
    When I was young, I often met a local couple who lived in the same building complex as me. They talked to each other in English. I was impressed by the local couple because I like English very much. I vowed I would speak English like them one day.


    Note the position of "local".

  10. #10
    tedmc is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Interested in Language
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    7,543

    Re: When I was young, I met a couple. (51 words)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Two things. One, where are you getting those extra commas from? Two, despite teechar's suggestion, you don't need to mention that they were a local couple. They lived where you did.
    It wouldn't have been impressive to listen to the couple speaking if they were native speakers of English, would it?
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •